Glory holes add another dimension to artist colony

Written by King David

Wednesday, 7 March 2007

image for Glory holes add another dimension to artist colony
The sun peering through a glory hole in the cloud cover

In an effort to educate, entertain and raise money at an artist's colony, it was reported today that glory holes were added to the walls of the MacDowell artist's colony in New Hampshire.

The facility which turns 100-years-old this month has been visited by great artists such as James Baldwin, Willa Cather, Aaron Copeland, E.L. Doctorow and screenwriter Kit Carson - who wrote Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 and the film adaptation of Sam Shepherd's play Paris, Texas.

Artists, once accepted, are welcome to stay at the colony for as little as a couple of weeks, or up to several months. Writers, composers, photographers, filmmakers and sculptors, both famous and unknown, have stayed there over the years. MacDowell's operations are subsidized by grants from foundations, corporations and individuals, and, now glory holes.

A glory hole is a hole in the wall where people can watch activity on the other side of the wall in another room. Usually there is a fee to use a glory hole, but not always.

The history of glory holes goes back to the beginning of time when God used to spy on all the people of the world through a Glory Hole in a break through the cloud cover of the earth's stratusphere. He did this to make sure everyone was doing what they were supposed to.

Since the beginning of time, God has given up spying on His people and has taken up permanent residence among them demonstrated by all the factions of the earth who believe that they have God on their side.

But if you ask God why this is so, He simply says that "there is too much to do." By living with people instead of in the heavens, He can get a jump on the day's work and doesn't have to commute from heaven.

Since the time of God peering through the clouds, glory holes have evolved over the centuries to Medieval paintings in European castles that have the eyes removed, to funny characters you see at Disney World and other amusement parks missing their heads, so that you can put your head in the space and have your picture taken, to pornographic websites and now artist colonies.

"Shine down on God's glory" is a quote that illustrates the myth of Sun peering through a glory hole to give warmth to the people. And rain pouring through the glory hole to shower the people and make things grow.

"There is nothing quite as sublime as peering through a glory hole at MacDowell artists colony and watching writer Emily Ramilau at work in her room thinking and writing," says glory hole patron Phyllis Wheat. "The way she sits, her posture, leaning over, one, solitary lamp above, left hand at her brow, right hand holding her pen, the air still, ice grippers by the door.

Why ice grippers? Because the trek from one isolated, one-room studio to another is icy, so colony residents strap the ice grippers to the bottom of their shoes. There are 450 acres to explore and 32 free studios, all with inserted glory holes, at the retreat.

"We're really looking forward to having this added dimension," said retreat director Florence Waters. "We've been getting applications from all over the world from people interested in looking through our glory holes at the artists. One man said that he would pay one-hundred thousand dollars to look through a glory hole at Britney Spears while she composed."

"People are beginning to compliment me on my glory hole," said screenplay writer Kit Carson. "That's part of the magic here, because people are really open to showing their ass."

Carson didn't say when he'd be leaving only that he was enjoying the isolation.

"It's hard to find a place in our wired world outside of prison where there's no phone, no fax, no friends and no family," said the salty screenwriter. "This is the quintessential artist's retreat only a cabin in the snowy woods with glory holes."

In other news today, male artist seeks relief by sticking his JT through a glory hole for groupie to service.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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