New Look for the Ku Klux Klan
MOSQUITO CREEK, ALABAMA--Designed to appeal to a younger crowd and help build up sagging membership. The Grand Imperial Wizard Dragon of the KKK, Ron Edwards, has decided to switch to a more trendier and fashion conscience look.
Read full storyFitzie rocks as Scooter Libby readies to grass up Cheney
Washington DC - (AssoCIAted Plame Mess): Tuesday 16 January sees the perjury indictment of Scooter Libby, Dick Cheney's former Chief of Staff, who stands accused of outing s top CIA spook because her husband called the Bushes' bluff over a ye...
Read full storySecret of Blair's Smile Revealed
Only months before his enforced resignation, Tony Blair's doctor has revealed the secret behind his seemingly permanent grin: opium.
Read full storySatirist "King David" Receives A Break This Weekend; Uses "Buck E. Filbert's" Hollywood Wind Machine To Blow Off Lawn
It was reported today that satirist, "King David" received a break this weekend after fellow satirist and "confidant to the stars since 1930," Buckley E. Filbertamous loaned King his Hollywood wind machine to blow off the leaves o...
Read full storyAmerican Pisses on Tank in Tiammen Square
DATELINE BEIJING, Jan 15 - The father of a US family visiting China was arrested for urinating on a tank in Tiamennan Square today. Witnesses said he was screaming: "Free Tibet" while he relieved himself against the tank treads of one of...
Read full storyMexico Invades US, US Troops Retreat
There they were a dispatch of Arizona National Guard sent to protect our southern border through the dark of night. Along came a group of armed individuals, no one knows if they were undocumented immigrants seeking asylum, drug smugglers on their way...
Read full storyXbox360 sells one billion consoles, others follow
Microsoft has released yet more figures claiming that their console, the Xbox360 has sold a billion consoles over the holiday period. This is contrary to what Sony has claimed. Their official statement regarding the number of units sold was; 'Mor...
Read full storyKate dumps William
London - (ReUterus): Kate Middleton has unceremoniously dumped the Pretender's son William after his intimate videos of them admiring each other's family jewels found their way onto an army officer's mess porno website accessed via PayPal...
Read full storyMexican Tortilla Eaters, US Pig Farmers and Alcoholics Unite
With the rising popularity of ethanol made from fermented corn mash, the price of Mexican tortillas, animal feed, US pig farmers rely on to fatten their livestock and alot of drunks whose primary source of nutrition comes from corn mash related produ...
Read full storyFrench Fries From Hell
Samuel Michael Schildkraut worked for a McDonald's in New Orleans, pre-Katrina. He was hired as a manager-trainee.
Read full storyDWBJ and Lots More Outlawed Driving Whiles
An Arizona legislator has proposed legislation that would outlaw driving while texting. This creative idea has given rise to an explosion of new driving restrictions across the globe:...
Read full storyChicken Fat Wars
Chicken fat is now all the rage as a replacement source of oil that can be transformed into fuel. Entrepreneurs are gambling on establishing fuel plants in close proximity to chicken processing plants to take advantage of this new source of energy.
Read full storyNYC Sanitation Department blames Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Protein Pancakes
New York, NY - (Ass mess): The recent foul stench that swept New York has been traced to a collapsed section of 100 year old sewers that criss-cross Lower Manhattan, the Hudson River and all the way to New Jersey. And now angry forensic bacteriologi...
Read full storyDeadly Louzer Virus Strikes England Cricketer
MELBOURNE - Previously indestructible England cricketer Peter Von Peterson, the last surviving touring England cricketer to survive the deadly Australian virus Louzer-Form (Trescothick strain EBGB) has finally fallen victim to the deadly strain thus...
Read full storyLucas: 'There's a Star Wars You've Not Seen'
True to his word George Lucas has not filmed any NEW episodes of the epic Sci-Fi adventure Star Wars. However, Jade Magazine says that during the filming of...
Read full storyPaul Burrell appointed butler at Number 10
London - (Rioters): UK Prime Monster Tony Blair has appointed Paul Burrell, self-publicising former butler to the late Princess Diana, to the top household post in Downing Street after Cherie threatened to go on sex strike rather than lift another fi...
Read full storyIndustry Report Shows Polls Are Inconclusive
An industry report today showed that Polls into our daily lives are "inconclusive" & "inaccurate". The news comes as Sony launches it's PS7 Handheld games machine with built in microwave.
Read full storySecretary Rice Outlines Peace Talks; First, Takes Leaders On Outward Bound Program
Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice met with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni yesterday and outlined a plan for negotiating peace in the war-torn region. But first, the two leaders had to agree to take an...
Read full storyJames Brown's Will Revealed
Family of late singer James Brown who died in his sleep on Christmas Day, aged 73 have been arguing where his reported $700 Million fortune is to be divided. It was thought his partner (at the time)Tomi Rae Hynie will get little or n...
Read full storyDodgy coke toke sends Kylie off Manchester stage
Manchester - (Ass Mess): Citing a streaming nose and inexplicable fit of the heeb-jeebies Kylie Minogue pulled out of the Manchester Evening News Arena concert last night after belting out Better the Devil You Know and then realising her septum had c...
Read full storyReform in Catholic Church--Convicted Priests Made To Ride Mechanical Bull; Warm-up For Big Ride
In light of clergy sex-abuse scandals that have rocked the Catholic Church over the past five years, priests convicted of sexual crimes will not only have to answer to God and their Parishioners, but also to "El Diablo," the mechanical bull...
Read full storyBournemouth Boffin Vows To Go To The Moon
Brainy British boffin, Bill Broadbonce, is claiming that he is going to be the first man to set foot on the moon since the last Apollo mission in 1907.
Read full storyUSA Declares War on Itself
President George Bush has made a shock declaration of war against the United States of America.
Read full storyNASA: The Planet is Spinning Backwards
NASA astronomers shocked the scientific community by confirming Pablo Picasso's long held theory that this 3rd rock which we call home is indeed spinning to the left instead of spinning to the right as previously thought.
Read full storyMicrosoft Counters iPhone with Their xpPhone
Not to be outdone by Steve Jobs, Bill Gates today announced his own version of Apple's iPhone. The xpPhone, according to Gates makes the iPhone look like, according to Gates, "That thing Wilma Flintstone used to pick up and answer when Fred...
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