At dawn this morning the German army crossed the Polish border again, inviting accusations of warmongering not heard since World War Two.
The German chancellor Herr Hitler, back from the dead after a successful operation to restore his circulation, announced the invasion from Nazi HQ in Berlin this morning. He told the world's press, thousands of whom were crammed in eager anticipation into a festival hall in Berlin "I have decided to accept once again the Chancellorship of the Fatherland. This means WAR!!! Thank you". He then sped off in the Fuhrerzoomenwhizzerwagen to a rally in Nuremburg, taking with him the corpses of Rudolph Hess and Hermann Goering.
Following lunch in Warsaw, both Hess and Goering are expected to be returned to life, amid protests from anti-vivisectionists.
The German government announced that unexpected developments in monkey-gland research have allowed the re-animation of dead Nazis to become a reality, although the operations are only available privately.
Criticism from world leaders has been both vituperative and absolute, with President Bush calling the act "a bit steep". Russia's President Putin immediately issued a statement, retracted it and finally denied it. Former Russian leader Boris Yeltsin, on holiday in a vat of meths near Jamaica, declined to comment. A spokesman said, "he's not in".
With the world teetering on the brink of war, the banjo contest in Milan has been cancelled.
