There were 63 spoof news stories published in September 2003. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Japanese Sex Relief

In a bid to irradicate stress from the workplace, Japanese bosses have ordered their workforce to have designated sex-breaks during the day to keep levels of stress to an absolute minimum.

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US Launches Attack on Iceland

Funny story: US Launches Attack on Iceland

In a shocking speech early this morning, President of America George Bush announced that the American army would be launching an attack on Iceland. The world looks on as America once again makes an attack on an opponent that is not fully equipped to...

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Father Christmas 'lazy and fat' says Mrs. Christmas

Funny story: Father Christmas 'lazy and fat' says Mrs. Christmas

Mrs Christmas' latest tirade against her husband has sparked interest amongst media moguls and advertising men. The portly old lady has criticised her husband for being 'lazy and fat'. Mr Christmas (also known as 'Father' Christma...

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Freephone Numbers Are The New Sex Chatlines

Bernard Blunt, a sad loner, boasted to his mates about a whole new world that had opened up for him.

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Kylie video-game set to be smasher!

Funny story: Kylie video-game set to be smasher!

Rage software have released details of their upcoming game, "Kylie: Unleashed!". The game, set to release on X-Box, PS2 and Game Cube, stars diminutive popstrel Kylie Minogue and is said to be mostly about her arse.

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Ronald McDonald Is Loving It!

Funny story: Ronald McDonald Is Loving It!

The fast food chain McDonalds was shocked yesterday as it's most famous icon, Ronald McDonald, was charged with downloading offensive images from the internet. His laptop, pictured above, was confiscated pending a police investigation. The clow...

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Beef farmer finds wife in bed with prize heifer

Funny story: Beef farmer finds wife in bed with prize heifer

Beef farming, the latest vogue in farming circles, has turned one happy farmer's long love affair with the business, in to one big nightmare.

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Dead man refuses to comment on tax-evasion

Jeff Blake, 143, has refused to comment to journalists on his apparently scandelous attempts at tax-evasion. Jeff, who died at age 82, is being investigated by US detectives for his non-compliance.

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Britney's Haunted Bra

Sex goddess, Britney Spears, astounded her fans with claims that her bra was haunted by the ghost of Elvis.

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Kids don't swear like they used to

Funny story: Kids don't swear like they used to

Research carried out by linguists at Lancaster University, England, has revealed that children just don't swear like they used to.

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Stipe Believes He's Jackson

Funny story: Stipe Believes He's Jackson

It emerged yesterday that singer with band REM, Michael Stipe, has been admitted to a mental institution. Friends and family refused to comment on the matter, but a band spokesperson confirmed that Michael's mental capabilities had been deterior...

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Woman hospitalised after pubic lice removal attempt

Funny story: Woman hospitalised after pubic lice removal attempt

A woman, yet to be named, is in hospital with second degree burns to her groin after attempting to rid herself from an infestation of Pthirus pubis (Pubic lice, or Crabs). The woman is believed to have used a whole can of foaming insect killer to...

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Underwater Golf becomes Australian Hit!

Funny story: Underwater Golf becomes Australian Hit!

A new concept developed 'down-under' is proving to be a massive success with golfers. Underwater Golf is turning out to be quite the hit with local pros. "It's fantastic," says Bruce Almatey, owner of the local club. "This morning I cracked up a s...

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Celebrities: 'We can't eat our own feet'

Funny story: Celebrities: 'We can't eat our own feet'

HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a shock announcement, Celebrities have said they just can't stomach their own feet.

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Christina Bites Head Off Of Chicken!

Funny story: Christina Bites Head Off Of Chicken!

Yes, as if Christina Aguilera couldn't get any crazier, reports have come in that she's bitten the head off of a chicken.

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Bush Confused About Safe Sex

The White House was working hard to cover up President Bush's latest diplomatic blunder.

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Lady Diana's Ghost Lives In My Double Glazing

Funny story: Lady Diana's Ghost Lives In My Double Glazing

Nora Williams, a plain speaking Yorkshire lass, claims that her newly fitted patio windows are haunted by the ghost of Lady Diana.

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Ben & Jerry's Split

Funny story: Ben & Jerry's Split

Ice cream makers Ben & Jerry's are reported to have separated. Hopes of marriage are now all but gone.

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Shock as Blair admits: 'I'm gay'

Funny story: Shock as Blair admits: 'I'm gay'

Prime Minister Tony Blair rocked the political scene throughout the world today by sensationally outing himself in the public eye.

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78% of computer users still use default Windows XP 'rolling hills' desktop image

Funny story: 78% of computer users still use default Windows XP 'rolling hills' desktop image

Boffins at Lancaster University have determined that...

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Tony Blair Kicked out of Labour Party

Funny story: Tony Blair Kicked out of Labour Party

Tony Blair was formally removed from the Labour Party yesterday, after making homosexual advances towards John "Prezza" Prescott and unconfirmed reports state these may have involved Humphrey, the Downing Street cat.

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J-Lo to change name to Ennifer Pez

Funny story: J-Lo to change name to Ennifer Pez

In a bizarre, but not terribly shocking move, Jennifer Lopez has decided to change her name once more. The name change coincides with her new album: "I have lots of money but I love you all".

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Blair's Pre-War Persuasive Erotic Dance for Bush

Funny story: Blair's Pre-War Persuasive Erotic Dance for Bush

British Prime Minister Tony Blair is to answer allegations that he performed a raunchy dance for the US President to persuade him to wage war on Iraq. Up until now, most reports of this nature have implied that it was American President, George Bush...

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Police Launch New Drugs Policy

Funny story: Police Launch New Drugs Policy

The Metropolitan Police announced yesterday that they were set to launch a radical new drugs policy aimed at driving out dealers and reducing organised crime. The as yet untitled policy has been given the working name 'Operation Needle City'...

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True life story - I met myself in Benidorm.... twice!

Funny story: True life story - I met myself in Benidorm.... twice!

To Dougie and Freda Duckpond, Benidorm was like a second home. But after spending many happy holidays at the popular Spanish resort, they have now vowed never to return after strange events ruined their stay two months ago. Happy...

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Britney Spears to make come back as Fritzy McGoo

Pop teen virgin, Britney Spears, (who is no longer any of those qualifiers), has started her celebrity comeback in vicious style.

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Royal Flush - New Public Toilets To Be Constructed In Honour Of Princess Diana

Funny story: Royal Flush - New Public Toilets To Be Constructed In Honour Of Princess Diana

The small town of Gosh, nestled somewhere between Newcastle and London, is to erect a new public toilet block in its main square to commemorate the life of the late Diana, Princess of Wales.

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JESUS FOUND!!!!!!!!!

Funny story: JESUS FOUND!!!!!!!!!

Tell all the Christians to stop fussing and searching, Jesus has at last been found! Around the hour of Midnight, The Spoof''s very own reporter Jackie Sharp, under the influence of alcohol you understand, walked into a brothel, in an area which will remain unnamed, and saw, none other than the Christian deity himself, Mr. Jesus Christ.

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Helping hand for the disabled drinker

Funny story: Helping hand for the disabled drinker

Researchers at Lancaster University, England, have invented something to assist the more disabled wheelchair bound person in consuming beverages from their chair.

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World's First Spoofology Graduate

Spoofology, the study of all things spoof related, is a relatively new course being offered to students at Lancaster University, England. The first graduate of this course, Mr. Paul Lowton B.A. (Hons) is said to be delighted with the vast number of o...

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Orlando Bloom interviewed by every journalist alive

Funny story: Orlando Bloom interviewed by every journalist alive

The Guiness Company today confirmed that actor and girl look-a-like Orlando Bloom has now been interviewed by every journalist living on the planet today.

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Despair - The ingenious new game from Big Brother's Producers

Funny story: Despair - The ingenious new game from Big Brother's Producers

The producers of Big Brother have announced a new game "Despair" which puts a fresh slant on the reality-television genre. A group of people, selected for their contrasting interests, beliefs and personalities, are placed on a lawless islan...

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Cash & moolah: Your friend, the lowly coin

Funny story: Cash & moolah: Your friend, the lowly coin

The lowly coin started life in 3000BC by Egyptian slave-monkeys who needed a way to barter for drinks that their evil overlords would deny them. Back then, the 1 pence piece was formed with cattle dung and spittle, curved into a crude circular shape. Even now, some coins are made using dung and spittle - the 1 Euro coin is the best example.

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Pope Offers 5 Year No - Divorce Warranty On All New Marriages

The Pope attempted to stem the declining numbers of church weddings by offering a 5 year 'no divorce' warranty on all new marriages in his Catholic churches.

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Monkey Nuts for Bananas

Jimbo, the monkey, has escaped from Lancaster University Monkey Research Centre (LUMRC). He is said to be extremely dangerous and residents of the local area are being advised to remain in their homes until he is safely returned.

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Blair Admits Lying To Britain

Funny story: Blair Admits Lying To Britain

In a bizarre turn of events, Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted lying to the people of Great Britain. In an unusually open and frank interview with Sir David Frost which is due to be aired this Sunday, Tony Blair explained the level of his deception...

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Blair Changes Into An Arab

Funny story: Blair Changes Into An Arab

Following the disastrous Iraqi war, the British Prime Minister has managed to persuade her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II to allow him to convert to the Muslim faith.

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Record Company's New Money Spinner

Funny story: Record Company's New Money Spinner

EMI, the record label behind so many great artists such as Billy Joel, M People and Robbie Williams have recently won a court case that will change the world forever! The case was unprecidented, but EMI have promised "there'll be plenty more...

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UK government OKs plans to sell Cocaine as 'light pick-me-up'

Funny story: UK government OKs plans to sell Cocaine as 'light pick-me-up'

The UK government has today admitted that plans to sell Cocaine as a 'light pick-me-up', have been approved by top-tier cabinet members. The plan is set to go to the vote on Wednesday.

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Arsenal football team to provide thugs for next England match.

Whilst many people are bemoaning the loss of several of England's finest thugs after their arrests in several Greek islands over the past few weeks, Arsene Wenger has kindly offered the services of his back 4 players to take up the role.

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Bananas banned from airports in fake-gun crackdown

Funny story: Bananas banned from airports in fake-gun crackdown

US Police officials have today announced a crackdown on 'gun shaped' fruit, specifically bananas, from American airports.

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Blair and Brown set to go head-to-head

Ronald Blair and Jack Brown, joint holders of the "2002 Biscuits for Britain" biscuit eating championship, are set to go head-to-head once more this month.

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Mr T Nominated for Nobel Prize

Funny story: Mr T Nominated for Nobel Prize

Mr T was smiling above his hundreds of gold chains yesterday, as he heard he was to be an official nominee for the Nobel Prize. The star, famously known for his role as BA Barracuss in The A-Team, commented: "Hey fool. I'm very happy to be...

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British Ambassadors to be forced to wear Beafeater costumes

Funny story: British Ambassadors to be forced to wear Beafeater costumes

In the latest crazy political stunt by the British Government, it has been announced that all British Ambassadors will be forced to don the famous Beafeater costume.

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PJ and Duncan in Pop Idol Bustup

Huge fore-headed Geordie sex symbols PJ and Duncan aka Ant and Dec, have announced their decision to go their separate ways after a huge fight at the final round of Pop Idol.

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Blair Bans Dogs and Old Gits

Tony Blair delighted his criminal community when he proposed that dogs and old gits were to be banned from using Britain's pavements.

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Rapper sued by Elephant

Funny story: Rapper sued by Elephant

International rap superstar Nelly is being sued for 1,000,000 in damages by Nelly the Elephant.

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OAPs Attack Blair

Funny story: OAPs Attack Blair

Old Aged Pensioners from across the United Kingdom have united and attacked Tony Blair's house at 10 Downing Street, London.

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Jalapeños commit to votes for peppers

Funny story: Jalapeños commit to votes for peppers

Jalapeños, the Mexican left-wing political party has demanded better human rights for the peppers of the world. Their radical suggestion is that peppers should be allowed to vote in elections to gain a fair representation of the country's politic...

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Living Has Ruined My Life

Funny story: Living Has Ruined My Life

The British government was reeling after the latest ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.

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Britain on Terror Alert

Funny story: Britain on Terror Alert

The GibberBrit Party today released a terror alert for Britain.

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Totally P.C. Police People

Manchester came to a halt today when the police force went on strike.

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Olympic Games Too Racist

There was a shocked silence amongst the sporting community, when it was announced that the Olympic games were to be discontinued because they are too racist.

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September 11th anniversary: predicted attacks 'bollocks'

Funny story: September 11th anniversary: predicted attacks 'bollocks'

The leaders and officials of the world are today trying to think up of a some sort of scandal about Arnold Schwarzeneggar to hide the embarassing news that their 9/11 security alerts were pointless.

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Blaine bingeing blatantly - bollocks

Funny story: Blaine bingeing blatantly - bollocks

David Blaine was spotted in the top London egg & ripe tomato restaurant "The Red White and Yellow Gunge," yesterday afternoon.

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Athetics time-keeping 'disaster' causes cancellation of all medals

Tag-Heuer have announced news that has devastated the Athletics World Championships. The infamous time-keeping company have declared that their devices have been affected by the 2003 bug, a slightly older brother of the Millenium Bug. The bug has app...

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Living Has Ruined My Life

Funny story: Living Has Ruined My Life

The British government was reeling after the latest ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.

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Vote for the GibberBrit Party

Funny story: Vote for the GibberBrit Party

A newly formed political party hit the street today campaign for you vote in the forthcoming 2005 Elections. The newly formed GibberBrit Party today announced it's intentions to stand at the next general election. It is looking for your support.

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"Citizenship Classes" to teach Hooliganism

Funny story: "Citizenship Classes" to teach Hooliganism

Under new government proposals, asylum seekers reaching the pearly gates of Dover will be forced to take David Blunkett's new "Citizenship Classes" before being accepted as British Citizens.

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War good for peace

Funny story: War good for peace

The US Government has now decided that war is the only thing that brings about peace in the world. Bush (George W) announced yesterday:...

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Bev's Bevvies belay bellies

Funny story: Bev's Bevvies belay bellies

Publican, Beverly Basket, has re-discovered an ancient Egyptian recipe originally used during the mummification process, but now prefers it as an additive in her ale. The formula is still top secret, but, as Bev explained, it's not as scary as it...

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Hutton Enquiry 'really quite dull'

Funny story: Hutton Enquiry 'really quite dull'

Official polls have described the Hutton Enquiry as enormously dull and boring. Many UK television viewers have been turned off the news due to at least half of every news-programme being dedicated to an enquiry full of lying, cheating losers.

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Queen eats liver with a nice Chianti.

Funny story: Queen eats liver with a nice Chianti.

An investigation has begun in Buck palace after it was discovered that the Queen had eaten liver, fava beans and a nice Chianti.

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