There were 18 spoof news stories published in August 2003. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Timmy Mallet - Chick Boy O.B.E

Funny story: Timmy Mallet - Chick Boy O.B.E

Legendary children's television presenter, leading musician and heroin addict Timmy Mallet (real name Timothy Mallet) attended Buckingham palace today to receive an OBE for his outstanding work in recruiting transsexuals in Dorset.

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Quack dies in homeopathy overdose

Funny story: Quack dies in homeopathy overdose

Dr Moira Spinx, a not-at-all respected quack and practitioner of homeopathic remedies, has died after taking an overdose of Belladonna, also known as Deadly Nightshade.

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Fat Cat pay for NHS bosses

Senior Managers in the NHS, and by god there are hundreds and thousands of them, are to receive fat cats as part of a new pay deal.

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Substitutionary locomotion proved to be hoax!

New evidence has come to light to suggest that the "Substitutionary Locomotion" which saved England from the terrible tyranical rule of the evil vampire-like Nazis, was actually a cheap parlour trick! Professor Emelius Brown, famous derring...

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English Premiership trophy bought by Abramovich

Chelsea's rich and marvellous new owner, Roman Ab (as we like to call him), has decided to bypass the whole possibility of his new 'super-team' stuffing up, by simply purchasing the original Premiership trophy in advance of the season act...

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Naked Chef involved in Naked bank robbery

Funny story: Naked Chef involved in Naked bank robbery

Naked Chef, Jamie "Terrance" Oliver, was today involved in a bungled bank robbery foiled by ace spy, Delia Smith. Smith, 73, first became suspicious of sprightly Oliver, 15, when they originally engaged in sexual relations four years ago.

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Speaking of Which.......with Phrank Phraser

Our Cuddly Little Friends I first had an inkling a couple of years ago when I saw a lady proudly parading a pet ferret on a lead around the local shopping area. And then when I heard a recent interview on the local radio in which a woman talked about her pet sparrow called Ronnie Barker (it’s all right, that’s what I thought as well)...

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Eating out....With Phrank Phraser

Standing impressively in a car park on a modern retail park, The Snack Attack Eat n’ Go had our mouths watering the moment we arrived. The menu – although not extensive – was adequate enough to suit the tastes of even the most picky eaters.

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Warning: Everything is bad for you!

Funny story: Warning: Everything is bad for you!

A new scientific report concludes that everything is bad for you! This includes all food and drink, all forms of exercise and all social and leisure activities - yes, folks, and that includes sex!...

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Man with no memory forgets to not eat his own arms

Geoff Winsdale, 53, has suffered from a certain amount of post-traumatic stress since he fell in love with another man in '73. Part of his debilitation included a very severe loss of memory and an increased inability to store recent memories. Unt...

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Man traps willy in Zip!

Willy, the famous dancing bear, who escaped after a circus matinee performance, has been successfully caught by a farmer in the village of Zip, forty kilometres north of Berlin.

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Choir found to have second jobs

Local busybody, Julia Swinsford, has now brought the sleepy village of Malmsborough into disrepute, claiming that the local church Choir have second jobs.

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Robot 'eyes' fail to make impact in sport

Many sports now use robot 'eyes' to determine the accuracy of many on-field decisions. Wimbledon, Rugby and Athletics have all used technology to help referees in their decision making, and have so far been proven less than successful.

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New report states that water is likely to cause cancer

Funny story: New report states that water is likely to cause cancer

In a new report sanctioned by the US government, officials have stated that water was found to have been drunk by 98% of all cancer victims. Juliet Bravo, state official for Texas said:...

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Beef to be sold in new exciting flavours!

Take a classic meat and turn it into orange slush flavour...that's the new idea that start-up firm "BeefyGoodness" are trying out. CEO Judith Charms told us:...

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Better the Devil You Know

Funny story: Better the Devil You Know

A top doctor has put paid to the popular belief that ‘a change is as good as a rest' claiming that there is absolutely no evidence to support the statement - whatsoever.

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'Por favor - Geez us back our towels'

A huge diplomatic row between Britain and Spain reached boiling point last night. Relations between the two countries - who have had their differences in the past over the disputed ownership of Gibraltar - have sunk to an all time low.

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August to be renamed Harriust in UK to promote Prince Harry

Funny story: August to be renamed Harriust in UK to promote Prince Harry

After receiving some relatively dismal A-level grades (considering the amount of money thrown at him and probably the examiners), the UK's monarchy has decided to strike back at the population of UK by changing the calendar on them. From now on,...

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