There were 52 spoof news stories published in October 2003. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Noel Edmonds to Bid for Conservative Leadership
Poor quality entertainer and all round c-list celebrity, Noel Edmonds, has begun a campaign to become leader of the Conservative Party.Read full story
Welsh admit, "Our language is a scam"
Today the Welsh Assembly confirmed long held suspicions - that the Welsh language is only there to piss the English off.Read full story
According to a new poll, Belgium is the world's most boring country. Belgian ministers are said to be shocked by the revelation and they have attempted to defend their country.Read full story
David Blaine Claims His Feet Are Killing Him
David Blaine,the top escapologist and yoga expert, made legal history when he became the first person to get his feet convicted of attempted murder.Read full story
Yardies Gangs Get Tough Love From Tough Babies
In the never ending fight against the drug trafficking, shootings and general brutalities of Yardie crime gangs, police are now facing the fact that lawful tactics have failed. This has led to the formation of a vigilante gang of tough tattooed infan...Read full story
UK Pop Idol show rocked by Simon Cowell's honest opinion
Popular song-singing, gameshow-without-a-game, Pop Idol, has been rocked to its foundations by claims that Simon Cowell is simply "being honest".Read full story
French war with Belgium will not go ahead, Belgian army not real.
France today backed down on its threat to go to war with Belgium after the Belgian government admitted, "Our army is fake!"...Read full story
You know the ones I mean. The ones that say "Hey, look at my boobs", then, as you're reading this message, you get slapped and verbally abused.Read full story
Britney's Sensational Bum
Bouncy Britney, the sexy singer with the perfect bum, wreaked havoc at No 10 Downing Street when she issued a bomb warning.Read full story
Sick to death of seeing people vomit
Is it just me, or as we get older do we have to put up with an increasing frequency of vomiters? I wouldn't say that I see vomit and hear vomiting everytime I step onto the streets. But when I do venture outside of my cave, it appears that I'm constantly forced to dodge the splatter against the lamp-posts. I step out of a night-club or a bar and what do I see? Drunk people and Vomit...Read full story
Santa wanted for International Discrimination
There were defiant vibes around the UN today as it passed a resolution to bring the Father of Christmas, aka Santa Claws, to an International Court of Justice. The resolution is aimed at Santa's sinfully unfair delivery of presents to the world. With...Read full story
Mafia in Crisis Over Appointment of Gay Don
The American mafia is in turmoil following the recent announcement that Jimmy ‘The Salami' de Marco is to replace Frankie ‘Four Fingers' Spaghetti as Don of San Francisco. The first Mafiosi to ‘come out', de Marco, nicknamed ‘The Dodgy Don', has been...Read full story
"I had sex with IDS" - Currie
In her new autobiography "The Second Conservative I Had" Edwina Currie has given details about her illicit affair with ex conservative leader Iain Duncan Smith.Read full story
Al Qaeda invest in state of the art video editing suite.
Recent footage broadcast on the Arabic speaking Qatar based news channel, Al Jazeera shows that Bin Laden now has a powerful ally in the information war.Read full story
GM Free Dog Food - Green Activists Delighted
Crazy activists, who live in the past and fear anything new, are happy today after successfully campaigning for a new GM free dog food, for their mangy mutts.Read full story
Leeds United to just 'Give Up'
Leeds United Football Club (LUFC) have this morning announced plans to simply 'give up', in the face of the new and current police investigation into one of their players.Read full story
Rare animal donated to London Zoo
Last night under the cover of darkness a rare and endangered beast was delivered to a newly built, highly secret compound at the historic London zoo. Rumours have been circulating for months as to the purpose of the custom designed secure compound, o...Read full story
The Windmills Of Blair's Mind
‘Don't panic yet!' announced Tony Blair, the ace British Prime Minister.Read full story
P Diddy in Sweetshop Row
Rap star P Diddy (formerly Puff Daddy, and before that J-Mankoni Raphanapolis Mercutio Benz), has been ordered to leave the US after claims he "ruffled feathers" in a local sweet-shop.Read full story
Purple frogs destroy London
Viscious, fighting, purple frogs have today destroyed much of London city, leaving the streets empty and strewn with the devastation left by battling the frog invasion.Read full story
Arnie - 'I Just Love Boobs'
Not content with having selective hearing, professing his love for Adolf Hitler and groping news reporters left right and centre, Arnold Schwarzenegger has made another gargantuan mistake that could jeopardise his entire campaign.Read full story
Cod fight back!
The intensive levels of cod fishing in the North Sea appear to be having unfortunate consequences, with cod actually attacking local fishermen! Simon Seagull, 42, from the Fisheries Ministry quotes:...Read full story
Beckham Put On Minimum Wage
Lager cans popped in the Beckham's council flat, following the F.A.'s announcement that the England squad were to be paid the National Minimum Wage.Read full story
Arnie Wins California Election
TV celebrity Arnold Schwarzenegger is now California's new governor.Read full story
Terminator interviews Kenneth Clarke over Conservative leadership
It's not often that journalists get to journalise about other journalists. But today at a press conference to ascertain Ken Clarke's plans, all interest was instead focused on the Terminator (Model T 0.5) that was questioning Mr Clarke.Read full story
A trip to the People's Republic of China by a French Ambassador caused political friction today of global proportions.Read full story
Bigger Than The Beatles?
Jesus was on the receiving end of God's wrath yesterday when, during a late night wine tasting session with St Peter, He revealed that He considered himself to be ‘bigger than the Beatles'. St Peter, well know for his indiscretion (particularly regar...Read full story
I.D.S. out - already found selling hotdogs in Wigan
After tonight's unsurprising vote of no-confidence in I.D.S. reports are that he fled Westminster long before the results came in, and is now flipping burgers and tossing the wieners in a hotdog stand in Wigan.Read full story
Record-breaking numbers of people gathered in London today to protest about the disruption and expense caused by protests in the capital. Whistle-blowing Peter Fellingham, of Battersea, had joined the crowed to make his voice heard. "We've all had e...Read full story
Those little bits of string that ruin your clothes
Here we are, slap bang at the beginning of the twenty-first century and still at the lowest rung of the evolutionary ladder. What do I base that sleight on? Football hooligans? Night-life vomiters? No. I base it on the fact that we still have problems with our clothes unravelling. You know those maddening bits of loose string, elastic or wool that fly away from your clothes. The more you tr...Read full story
Athetics stars fail drugs tests
All athletics trophies and medals awarded within the last 100 years are set to be recalled after scientists release information of a new performance enhancing drug, used illegally for at least the last century.Read full story
Saddam Paints The White House Pink
George W Bush was shaken yesterday morning when he woke up to find that the White House had been painted pink.Read full story
No Reverse Gear for Blair
In a key speech to the Labour Party Conference yesterday, Tony Blair admitted further defects in his Operation Functions. He admitted that he had not been fitted with a reverse gear.Read full story
Arnold Schwarzenegger names every movie he has ever been in during policy speech
Thursday October 16th 2003...Read full story
Bush Gives Britney A Global Warming
Sexy Britney soon realised she had made a colossal mistake when she asked George W Bush to explain global warming.Read full story
Baby Busts Cap in His Momma's Ass
Gang culture invaded the crèche today as a two year old child shot his mum in retribution for humiliatingly changing his Huggies pull-ups in front of other kids.Read full story
WMDs found "all over Iraq"
UN arms inspector David Kay has released his findings in the comedic search for Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. The investigation, sought by President Bush, has indicated that WMDs are literally everywhere you look across the country.Read full story
IDS to change name to ISDN to 'woo the kids'
In a brave attempt to garner support following his failed Conservative leadership, Iain Duncan Smith is to change his name to Iain Samurai Deathstar Numpty, initials ISDN in order to gain support from youngsters and geeks.Read full story
Police Academy Star Runs for Presidency
That Guy Who Made Sound Effects, star of seven ‘Police Academy' films is 15% ahead in the polls in the Presidential election campaign.Read full story
Strokes Album 'Minutely Different'
Scientists have discovered that the new Strokes album is in fact "minutely different" from their first effort ‘This is It'.Read full story
Organ Grinder Snub Shocker!
Relations were tense between an organ grinder and his monkey last night after a member of the public broke with all convention and asked to speak to the monkey. 'I couldn't believe my ears,' said organ grinder Pete Winfield. 'The guy...Read full story
Bush disappointed to be visiting Australia, not Austria
Friday October 17th 2003 - eorge W Bush, American president and leader of the free world, today expressed great disappointment at the fact that next week he is going to be visiting Australia, and not Austria as he had i...Read full story
'Ave A Heart Guv !
George W Bush reinforced the ‘special' relationship between Britain and America, by swapping hearts with Tony Blair.Read full story
Californians Desire New Governor Because They Can't Spell His Name
The new governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was elected last week has hit a road block. News agents are constantly asking him how to spell his name, but it isn't just the press who are confused, the common people are crying out in prot...Read full story
Rio Ferdinand proves to be 65 year old man
England footballer, Rio Ferdinand, has yet to respond to claims that he is actually 65 years old. A recent drugs test has found that his genes are decrepit and have tiny wispy beards. The drugs test, which otherwise has caused no other scandals at al...Read full story
Marzipan, the truth.
The long courtroom battle between the national british confectionary consortium and the radical protest group marzibad has ended today.Read full story
Northern Ireland *snigger* to *chortle* sort itself out
In amazingly wonderful news, all those involved in the disgusting situation in Northern Ireland are going to try and sort it out without behaving like stupid and extremely dangerous schoolboys.Read full story
Bush laments 'homelessness' as White House disappears
American President, George Bush, has today spoken out about the apparently regrettable disappearance of the White House. In his speech he described how he'd left the house and went for quick walk with his dog:...Read full story
Brett Kimmorley unhappy with own selection in Test team
Wednesday October 13th 2003...Read full story
IDS Wins Control of Baghdad
Conservative Party leader Iain Duncan Smith has taken personal control of the streets of Baghdad. The enigmatic leader used his media-manipulation skills and natural charm to win over the once hostile population.Read full story
Lady Diana's Ghostly Shower
Ace celebrity and International footballer, David Beckham, shocked his fans when he claimed that royal ghosts were watching him showering.Read full story