Freephone Numbers Are The New Sex Chatlines

Written by Bob Muppet

Wednesday, 10 September 2003

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The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Bernard Blunt, a sad loner, boasted to his mates about a whole new world that had opened up for him.

‘I saw that clever bird off the telly telling me how I could clear all my debts by ringing this free phone number'.

‘So I gave it a go. It was bloomin marvellous!

I then decided to ring all the free phone numbers I could find.'

‘Some of them birds wot I spoke to were real class. It didn't matter wot I said because they never got upset or swore at me!'

‘In the old days, I'd ring those numbers that you find at the back of the Sun and Star newspapers. And to be honest, the birds I used to talk to were a bit crude.'

‘Besides that it used to cost me a small fortune.'

‘But the ladies I spoke to on the free phone lines was all dead nice'.

‘We'd speak for ages about all kinds of silly things that I didn't really understand, and then the really clever thing was that it didn't cost me a single penny for the call!'

‘I will never be lonely again'.

‘Yes, there is no doubt ----free phone is better than sex', Bernard breathed, heavily.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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