There were 63 spoof news stories published in September 2003. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Japanese Sex Relief
In a bid to irradicate stress from the workplace, Japanese bosses have ordered their workforce to have designated sex-breaks during the day to keep levels of stress to an absolute minimum.
Read full storyBritney's Haunted Bra
Sex goddess, Britney Spears, astounded her fans with claims that her bra was haunted by the ghost of Elvis.
Read full storyFreephone Numbers Are The New Sex Chatlines
Bernard Blunt, a sad loner, boasted to his mates about a whole new world that had opened up for him.
Read full storyUS Launches Attack on Iceland
In a shocking speech early this morning, President of America George Bush announced that the American army would be launching an attack on Iceland. The world looks on as America once again makes an attack on an opponent that is not fully equipped to...
Read full storyRonald McDonald Is Loving It!
The fast food chain McDonalds was shocked yesterday as it's most famous icon, Ronald McDonald, was charged with downloading offensive images from the internet. His laptop, pictured above, was confiscated pending a police investigation. The clow...
Read full storyBeef farmer finds wife in bed with prize heifer
Beef farming, the latest vogue in farming circles, has turned one happy farmer's long love affair with the business, in to one big nightmare.
Read full storyFather Christmas 'lazy and fat' says Mrs. Christmas
Mrs Christmas' latest tirade against her husband has sparked interest amongst media moguls and advertising men. The portly old lady has criticised her husband for being 'lazy and fat'. Mr Christmas (also known as 'Father' Christma...
Read full storyKylie video-game set to be smasher!
Rage software have released details of their upcoming game, "Kylie: Unleashed!". The game, set to release on X-Box, PS2 and Game Cube, stars diminutive popstrel Kylie Minogue and is said to be mostly about her arse.
Read full storyDead man refuses to comment on tax-evasion
Jeff Blake, 143, has refused to comment to journalists on his apparently scandelous attempts at tax-evasion. Jeff, who died at age 82, is being investigated by US detectives for his non-compliance.
Read full storyUnderwater Golf becomes Australian Hit!
A new concept developed 'down-under' is proving to be a massive success with golfers. Underwater Golf is turning out to be quite the hit with local pros. "It's fantastic," says Bruce Almatey, owner of the local club. "This morning I cracked up a s...
Read full storyChristina Bites Head Off Of Chicken!
Yes, as if Christina Aguilera couldn't get any crazier, reports have come in that she's bitten the head off of a chicken.
Read full storyWoman hospitalised after pubic lice removal attempt
A woman, yet to be named, is in hospital with second degree burns to her groin after attempting to rid herself from an infestation of Pthirus pubis (Pubic lice, or Crabs). The woman is believed to have used a whole can of foaming insect killer to...
Read full storyTony Blair Kicked out of Labour Party
Tony Blair was formally removed from the Labour Party yesterday, after making homosexual advances towards John "Prezza" Prescott and unconfirmed reports state these may have involved Humphrey, the Downing Street cat.
Read full storyKids don't swear like they used to
Research carried out by linguists at Lancaster University, England, has revealed that children just don't swear like they used to.
Read full storyBen & Jerry's Split
Ice cream makers Ben & Jerry's are reported to have separated. Hopes of marriage are now all but gone.
Read full storyStipe Believes He's Jackson
It emerged yesterday that singer with band REM, Michael Stipe, has been admitted to a mental institution. Friends and family refused to comment on the matter, but a band spokesperson confirmed that Michael's mental capabilities had been deterior...
Read full storyCelebrities: 'We can't eat our own feet'
HOLLYWOOD, CA - In a shock announcement, Celebrities have said they just can't stomach their own feet.
Read full storyPolice Launch New Drugs Policy
The Metropolitan Police announced yesterday that they were set to launch a radical new drugs policy aimed at driving out dealers and reducing organised crime. The as yet untitled policy has been given the working name 'Operation Needle City'...
Read full storyShock as Blair admits: 'I'm gay'
Prime Minister Tony Blair rocked the political scene throughout the world today by sensationally outing himself in the public eye.
Read full storyBush Confused About Safe Sex
The White House was working hard to cover up President Bush's latest diplomatic blunder.
Read full storyJ-Lo to change name to Ennifer Pez
In a bizarre, but not terribly shocking move, Jennifer Lopez has decided to change her name once more. The name change coincides with her new album: "I have lots of money but I love you all".
Read full storyLady Diana's Ghost Lives In My Double Glazing
Nora Williams, a plain speaking Yorkshire lass, claims that her newly fitted patio windows are haunted by the ghost of Lady Diana.
Read full storyJESUS FOUND!!!!!!!!!
Tell all the Christians to stop fussing and searching, Jesus has at last been found! Around the hour of Midnight, The Spoof''s very own reporter Jackie Sharp, under the influence of alcohol you understand, walked into a brothel, in an area which will remain unnamed, and saw, none other than the Christian deity himself, Mr. Jesus Christ.
Read full story78% of computer users still use default Windows XP 'rolling hills' desktop image
Boffins at Lancaster University have determined that...
Read full storyRoyal Flush - New Public Toilets To Be Constructed In Honour Of Princess Diana
The small town of Gosh, nestled somewhere between Newcastle and London, is to erect a new public toilet block in its main square to commemorate the life of the late Diana, Princess of Wales.
Read full storyUK government OKs plans to sell Cocaine as 'light pick-me-up'
The UK government has today admitted that plans to sell Cocaine as a 'light pick-me-up', have been approved by top-tier cabinet members. The plan is set to go to the vote on Wednesday.
Read full storyTrue life story - I met myself in Benidorm.... twice!
To Dougie and Freda Duckpond, Benidorm was like a second home. But after spending many happy holidays at the popular Spanish resort, they have now vowed never to return after strange events ruined their stay two months ago. Happy...
Read full storyBlair's Pre-War Persuasive Erotic Dance for Bush
British Prime Minister Tony Blair is to answer allegations that he performed a raunchy dance for the US President to persuade him to wage war on Iraq. Up until now, most reports of this nature have implied that it was American President, George Bush...
Read full storyOrlando Bloom interviewed by every journalist alive
The Guiness Company today confirmed that actor and girl look-a-like Orlando Bloom has now been interviewed by every journalist living on the planet today.
Read full storyBananas banned from airports in fake-gun crackdown
US Police officials have today announced a crackdown on 'gun shaped' fruit, specifically bananas, from American airports.
Read full storyCash & moolah: Your friend, the lowly coin
The lowly coin started life in 3000BC by Egyptian slave-monkeys who needed a way to barter for drinks that their evil overlords would deny them. Back then, the 1 pence piece was formed with cattle dung and spittle, curved into a crude circular shape. Even now, some coins are made using dung and spittle - the 1 Euro coin is the best example.
Read full storyBritney Spears to make come back as Fritzy McGoo
Pop teen virgin, Britney Spears, (who is no longer any of those qualifiers), has started her celebrity comeback in vicious style.
Read full storyBlair Admits Lying To Britain
In a bizarre turn of events, Prime Minister Tony Blair admitted lying to the people of Great Britain. In an unusually open and frank interview with Sir David Frost which is due to be aired this Sunday, Tony Blair explained the level of his deception...
Read full storyDespair - The ingenious new game from Big Brother's Producers
The producers of Big Brother have announced a new game "Despair" which puts a fresh slant on the reality-television genre. A group of people, selected for their contrasting interests, beliefs and personalities, are placed on a lawless islan...
Read full storyWorld's First Spoofology Graduate
Spoofology, the study of all things spoof related, is a relatively new course being offered to students at Lancaster University, England. The first graduate of this course, Mr. Paul Lowton B.A. (Hons) is said to be delighted with the vast number of o...
Read full storyTotally P.C. Police People
Manchester came to a halt today when the police force went on strike.
Read full storyHelping hand for the disabled drinker
Researchers at Lancaster University, England, have invented something to assist the more disabled wheelchair bound person in consuming beverages from their chair.
Read full storyBlair Changes Into An Arab
Following the disastrous Iraqi war, the British Prime Minister has managed to persuade her majesty, Queen Elizabeth II to allow him to convert to the Muslim faith.
Read full storyRapper sued by Elephant
International rap superstar Nelly is being sued for 1,000,000 in damages by Nelly the Elephant.
Read full storyRecord Company's New Money Spinner
EMI, the record label behind so many great artists such as Billy Joel, M People and Robbie Williams have recently won a court case that will change the world forever! The case was unprecidented, but EMI have promised "there'll be plenty more...
Read full storyBritish Ambassadors to be forced to wear Beafeater costumes
In the latest crazy political stunt by the British Government, it has been announced that all British Ambassadors will be forced to don the famous Beafeater costume.
Read full storyPJ and Duncan in Pop Idol Bustup
Huge fore-headed Geordie sex symbols PJ and Duncan aka Ant and Dec, have announced their decision to go their separate ways after a huge fight at the final round of Pop Idol.
Read full storyJalapeños commit to votes for peppers
Jalapeños, the Mexican left-wing political party has demanded better human rights for the peppers of the world. Their radical suggestion is that peppers should be allowed to vote in elections to gain a fair representation of the country's politic...
Read full storyPope Offers 5 Year No - Divorce Warranty On All New Marriages
The Pope attempted to stem the declining numbers of church weddings by offering a 5 year 'no divorce' warranty on all new marriages in his Catholic churches.
Read full storyLiving Has Ruined My Life
The British government was reeling after the latest ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.
Read full storyBlair Bans Dogs and Old Gits
Tony Blair delighted his criminal community when he proposed that dogs and old gits were to be banned from using Britain's pavements.
Read full storyMonkey Nuts for Bananas
Jimbo, the monkey, has escaped from Lancaster University Monkey Research Centre (LUMRC). He is said to be extremely dangerous and residents of the local area are being advised to remain in their homes until he is safely returned.
Read full storyBlair and Brown set to go head-to-head
Ronald Blair and Jack Brown, joint holders of the "2002 Biscuits for Britain" biscuit eating championship, are set to go head-to-head once more this month.
Read full storyMr T Nominated for Nobel Prize
Mr T was smiling above his hundreds of gold chains yesterday, as he heard he was to be an official nominee for the Nobel Prize. The star, famously known for his role as BA Barracuss in The A-Team, commented: "Hey fool. I'm very happy to be...
Read full storyBritain on Terror Alert
Speaking with their Party Chairman Slimfast McCartney he claimed that they had been alerted by the national health service that there was an epidemic of people coming into casualty with a condition experts have now identified as "SSCS". The source wa...
Read full storyOAPs Attack Blair
Old Aged Pensioners from across the United Kingdom have united and attacked Tony Blair's house at 10 Downing Street, London.
Read full storyBlaine bingeing blatantly - bollocks
David Blaine was spotted in the top London egg & ripe tomato restaurant "The Red White and Yellow Gunge," yesterday afternoon.
Read full storyVote for the GibberBrit Party
A newly formed political party hit the street today campaign for you vote in the forthcoming 2005 Elections. The newly formed GibberBrit Party today announced it's intentions to stand at the next general election. It is looking for your support.
Read full storyAthetics time-keeping 'disaster' causes cancellation of all medals
Tag-Heuer have announced news that has devastated the Athletics World Championships. The infamous time-keeping company have declared that their devices have been affected by the 2003 bug, a slightly older brother of the Millenium Bug. The bug has app...
Read full storyBev's Bevvies belay bellies
Publican, Beverly Basket, has re-discovered an ancient Egyptian recipe originally used during the mummification process, but now prefers it as an additive in her ale. The formula is still top secret, but, as Bev explained, it's not as scary as it...
Read full story"Citizenship Classes" to teach Hooliganism
Under new government proposals, asylum seekers reaching the pearly gates of Dover will be forced to take David Blunkett's new "Citizenship Classes" before being accepted as British Citizens.
Read full storyOlympic Games Too Racist
There was a shocked silence amongst the sporting community, when it was announced that the Olympic games were to be discontinued because they are too racist.
Read full storyLiving Has Ruined My Life
The British government was reeling after the latest ruling by the European Court of Human Rights.
Read full storyWar good for peace
The US Government has now decided that war is the only thing that brings about peace in the world. Bush (George W) announced yesterday:...
Read full storyArsenal football team to provide thugs for next England match.
Whilst many people are bemoaning the loss of several of England's finest thugs after their arrests in several Greek islands over the past few weeks, Arsene Wenger has kindly offered the services of his back 4 players to take up the role.
Read full storySeptember 11th anniversary: predicted attacks 'bollocks'
The leaders and officials of the world are today trying to think up of a some sort of scandal about Arnold Schwarzeneggar to hide the embarassing news that their 9/11 security alerts were pointless.
Read full story