(NOT EDITED) All the negative adjectives in the English dictionary can be slung at Manchester United in a series of quite disgraceful first 45-minute performances! Their manager, Ole, has found a solution to this problem and is demanding the EFA (Eng…
In a move that is sure to surprise many once they've been made aware of it, the Manchester United defender and captain, Harry Maguire, has been selected by the British government to be the very first recipient in the country - and, therefore, on Eart…
After all the many controversies concerning the Manchester United and England defender 'Harry Maguire' over the last two years, it's been revealed that the hard-as-nails Brick Shithouse is merely a fictional character created by the overactive imagin…
It's what the newspapers have all been waiting for, the scoop of the moment, as the Manchester United captain, Harry Maguire, has announced that he is to commence writing a book documenting his recent nightmare experience on the Greek holiday island…
Marcus Rashford, the Manchester United and England striker who has done so much for hungry children by petitioning the government for free school meals during the lockdown, has "put his money where his mouth is", and has vowed to donate 90% of his sa…
(NOT EDITED) After their rather sad and pathetic attempts to kick a ball in any form of forward movement, the Manchester United manager, Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, has decided to abolish his diamond-shaped-tactics and teach his multi-millionaire-footy-stars…
ZZZZZZZZZZZ was the only conclusion watching one of the most utter boring 0-0 footy games played out at the empty colosseum presently called; The Theatre of Nightmares! The visiting team resembled a bunch of lost frightened rabbits blinded by floo…
There was sensational news coming out of Old Trafford this morning, as Manchester United captain and England defender, Harry Maguire, made a shock announcement to the effect that he intends to retire from football, and to pursue a career in a differe…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Sports Satire) – D.C. United, of the Major Soccer League, have the worst record of all 26 teams in the league. Team owner Jason Levien informed ESPN-4 that his team’s 2-10 record is just not acceptable. He remarked that he…
The Premer League season may only have kicked off three weeks ago, but after a disastrous weekend for Manchester United, when they were humbled 6-1 by Tottenham Hotspur at Old Trafford, fans are keen to offload 'liability' central defender and captai…
In news that will surprise many readers, the Manchester United and England defender, Harry Maguire, has said he has 'learnt his Greek lesson', and, these days, never takes his face mask off. Maguire was recently arrested on the Greek sunshine isla…
An American tourist who was visiting England for the first time recently, got into a 'sticky situation' when he walked into a Manchester pub and spoke in a way that he imagined might endear him the locals. The 'cousin from across the Pond', Abel R…
MANCHESTER, England – (Sports Satire) – London's Tickety Boo News is reporting that Manchester United footballer Jacob Harry Maguire is very upset about the news of him being caught with performance enhancing drugs. The Red Devils star said that h…
There's been frantic activity in the football transfer market this afternnon, with several of the top Premier League clubs swelling their ranks with a whole host of skilful, talented, overpaid primadonnas, who will, no doubt, take those clubs for eve…
Manchester United are supposed to be a giant English football team. However, many of their fans cannot believe they are actually playing the game they are supposed to be playing! Their players kick the ball, yes; they have eleven players on the pi…
It was a case of 'more of the same' for disgruntled Manchester United fans yesterday, as Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's men kicked off the season in the worst possible way with a 3-1 home drubbing by unfancied Crystal Palace at Old Trafford. And the tortu…
Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England defender, who was dropped by national team boss Gareth Southgate for the Three Lions' match in Iceland last night, has said that he was so frustrated and angry about the decision, that he didn't even b…
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