Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Chosen To Be First Recipient Of Coronavirus Vaccine

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 4 December 2020

image for Manchester United Captain Harry Maguire Chosen To Be First Recipient Of Coronavirus Vaccine
Maguire practising with the vaccine earlier

In a move that is sure to surprise many once they've been made aware of it, the Manchester United defender and captain, Harry Maguire, has been selected by the British government to be the very first recipient in the country - and, therefore, on Earth - of the Coronavirus vaccine.

Maguire, 27, cost United £80million when he signed for them from Leicester City in July 2019, and was subsequently handed the captaincy at the start of the current season.

He recently dragged the club's name through the mud when he was involved in a rather unsavoury incident on the Greek paradise holiday island of Mykonos, which ended with him boxing some policemen's ears.

The big news today, however, is that Maguire has been chosen by Boris Johnson's ragtag bunch of incompetent Tory swine to be the guinea pig for the '95% safe' BNT162b2 COVID-19 vaccine produced by the partnership of Pfizer and BioNTech.

Mr. Johnson said:

"Yes, er, yes. The vaccine is administered intramuscularly, and we know that Harry has big muscles, so he's the chappy for the job. It is 'Harry', isn't it?"

The PM went on:

"The vaccine is administered in three stages, two weeks apart. Harry, or whatever his name is, will undergo the first shot on Saturday just before the warm-up to United's game against West Ham City at Upton Park."

Maguire knows the eyes of the nation are upon him, and that everyone is praying for his success, and wishing him the best of luck in the venture. He said:

"We're being very positive, and confident we can take all three points from West Ham."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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