(NOT EDITED) After their rather sad and pathetic attempts to kick a ball in any form of forward movement, the Manchester United manager, Ole, Ole, Ole, Ole, has decided to abolish his diamond-shaped-tactics and teach his multi-millionaire-footy-stars how to perfect their Yoyo performances instead.
The reasons for this astonishing move are; Manchester United players play up and down tactics to perfection on the footy field. One game, high as kites, one game, as low as Jaggedone's command of all things grammatical (Which is a very black abyss).
Instead of sacking Solskjaer, United's US owners, who refuse to pay millions of compensation again after 'doshing' out enough to dodo ex-managers and, have not one bean of understanding about the UK version of Football, have changed the name of United!
From today this once famous footy club will be called:
Manchester United Yoyo PLC!
United's shares on the New York stock exchange bounced upwards like rockets after the announcement providing their owners with even more millions! United will now perform only in Asia, never again at their 'Theatre of Nightmares', in the newly founded, Asian YOYO Premier League.
Paul Pogba will lead the team because he is a top-pro-yoyo-performer. 'Arry Maguire, present captain, has been sold to Hull City because losers love losers, Marcus Rashford, is now busy distributing out-of-date food to hungry kids living in Calcutta during international breaks because the Asian Yoyo league only has one team, Manchester United.
Spanish giants, Real Madrid, are also contemplating joining the Asian Yoyo Premier League. However, their performances in Spain are not as excellent as United's in England, but the money is quite attractive.
Sky TV are busy persuading Liverpool, Barcelona, Juventus, Bayern Munich, PSG Paris, to join United. However, they declined because they are much better playing footy and, nobody has a chance against United playing Yoyo. So, Europe's elite decided to let them play with themselves; WANKERS!
Roy Keane, Irish ex-United chopper, who cannot speak correct English either, is convinced United will once again rule the world, but never again playing footy!