Manchester United Set To Sign Player With Foreign Name

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 21 September 2020

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There's been frantic activity in the football transfer market this afternnon, with several of the top Premier League clubs swelling their ranks with a whole host of skilful, talented, overpaid primadonnas, who will, no doubt, take those clubs for everything they can get, before their agents find them somewhere else to plunder.

Manchester United, meanwhile, have said that they will unveil their newest star at a press conference on Tuesday morning.

Few details are known, other than the player has a foreign name.

Speculation is rife, but it won't be anyone called Adams, Atkinson, Bailey, Baker, Barker, Barnes, Bennett, Bradley, Carter, Clarke, Cook, Harris, Jones, Johnson, Robinson, Smith, Turner, Wood, or Wright.

United already have several players with foreign names, and are always on the look-out for more, believing that, because they have exotic-sounding, sometimes unpronounceable names, they will be silky-skilled exponents of the beautiful game.

This is sometimes the case, but usually isn't.

Some recent United signings who have had strange foreign names include Zlatan Ibrahimović, Odion Ighalo, Mame Biram Diouf, Frederico Rodrigues de Paulo Santos - who at least tried to make himself sound English by using the nickname 'Fred' - Paul Pogba and Lou Macari.

Oh, and that Belgian bloke from the Hair Bear Bunch, Marouane Fellatio.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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