When perusing an article on the Internet, tolerably married couple Gary and Lorraine Johnson were told that number 7 in a list would shock them. However, in a rare case of lying on the Internet, neither of them were really that put out. Gary ta…
PICKLE TREE, Ohio – (Satire News) - A woman who walked into a local Walmart totally nude told one of the retail salesclerks that she was going to buy clothes and underwear. The clerk quickly called the store security guard, since the female was c…
Your old mate Dave, now has a beard. You haven't seen him since before the first lockdown, and at first, you didn't know it was him until he shouted at you across the street, and you recognised his voice. It really suits him. Dave takes up the…
Brian Asshat, Chutney on The Fritz's most famous bachelor, has told the three people on his Twitter feed that he has recorded fifteen episodes of Bargain Hunt and plans to spend the day watching them. 'I have gone for some old classics with Tim Wo…
David Singer tells us he usually takes things in stride. He doesn’t get too concerned about the “small stuff”. But this morning Mr. Singer is experiencing personal turmoil that may torment him for years to come. It all came about because of a be…
Harry Coleman, 42 of Baltimore, MD just started following horse racing last month. It all started, he tells us, when he was researching obscure drugs on the internet. “I came across a story about some of the substances those horses get. One thing le…
Mr. Dave Singer considers himself part of a long line of sea going people from Massachusetts’ North Shore. With his old boss he co-owns a beautiful 30 ft sailboat and loves nothing more than being on the water. Sailing and fishing are two of Mr. Sing…
A young man identified as Kyle D. yesterday marked his four-year anniversary as a heroin addict. “It’s four years on heroin” he clarified, “and a bit short of that as an actual heroin addict per se.” Kyle attended a 12 Step meeting in early 2018…
A quaint Derbyshire village says it is living in fear today as a local spate of egregious trampoline crimes threaten to rage out of control. Crimes are described as far ranging and go from chipped paintwork to alleged "filthy bouncing". Forme…
The inhabitants of charming little village Chutney on the Fritz were surprised that a few snowflakes fell this morning and have been blogging about it. Vicar Peter Lesley said 'I usually blog about Easter at Easter Weekend, but when I looked out o…
David Jimson is a very good bloke, according to everyone who lives in his street. The 73-year-old has old fashioned values and likes to play Snooker in the pub when he can, but other than that he has very little in common with near name sake Jim D…
Although local woman Alexa Britzner was only half paying attention, her dad was just saying that he thinks he’s going to cut the lawn this weekend. This announcement came despite the fact that 84% of neighbors think the lawn looks fine. “[The…
After his first trip to the hairdresser in four months, Stan Bridgewater was cruelly reminded of the fact that he is going bald. The formerly hirsute office junior, 47, brushed his hair once, and left it at that, knowing that it would continue to…
In a strange incident reminiscent of a scene from the children's fairy story, 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears', a man has spoken of how he came home to discover an unknown woman asleep in his house. The incident happened earlier this afternoon whe…
Stan Bridgewater regrets the set of dumbells that he bought from Argos three days before the country went into Lockdown. 'They just sit there in the lounge, mocking my pipe-cleaner arms. I swore that, by the time Lockdown was lifted, I would be ab…
Chutney on the Fritz's entrepreneur, Brian Asshat, has revealed to us that, since the launch of his guide to paper-clip curation was launched on Amazon Kindle, it is yet to sell a single copy. 'I did like all of the experts tell you,' said the 64-…
There was a potential crisis in the making, yesterday morning, when one man who was in an extreme rush to get out of the house to go somewhere, was forced into a delay when he couldn't find his fucking keys. An excursion, with his wife and two chi…
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