UK Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng's first quasi-budget was announced today to cheers and celebration across the country. With the astute administrative skills of King Herod, he chancelled like he had never chancelled before and slashed taxes for the rich,…
Prime Ministerial hopeful Liz Truss told a confrontational audience in London today that they would not need to worry about the cost of living crisis. A woman pressed Truss angrily on what she was going to do about high inflation, high electricity…
Prime Minister Johnson is on his way out. The booze-stained corridors of Downing Street will soon no longer hear his trotters rattling along, or his coke-fuelled straw-headed blathering. After he has scuttled off into a cosy life of luxury and delusi…
The UK's insane Tory rulers have ordered that all government buildings must fly the Union Jack at all times. The move was ordered by Boris Johnson, who said that he believed it would inspire civil servants to work harder. Geoff Tard, who works at…
Earlier this week, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a plan for how the lockdown will finally be lifted in the UK - or at least in the parts he still controls, so only England. The plan is to ease restrictions in stages to minimise the chances o…
In news that surprised nobody at all, leading adviser to the PM, Dominic Cummings, has been unmasked as a liar, a hypocrite and an arrogant self-serving twat who refuses to acknowledge any errors he has made. "When I drove 260 miles during the loc...
In perhaps the most controversial announcement yet of Boris Johnson's brief premiership, his chief adviser, Dominic Cummings, has revealed that he is planning a eugenics programme for the people of the UK. Births are to be strictly regulated, with...
Drunk Halloween costume and current UK Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has claimed that MPs trying to block a no-deal Brexit are, in fact, just making one more likely to happen. Johnson said: "I deeply believe in the merits of “backwardsism” w...
Over 11,000 people over the age of 100 will be stripped of their free TV licenses under a Tory government, in what seems like another instalment in the magic ritual to resurrect their blood God. Pensioners everywhere have said how much of an effect i...
After a long and thankless career in politics, Theresa May is to find peace at last next month when she steps down as Prime Minister. The wrinkly prude will be driven to an abattoir and hoisted roughly onto a flat sawdust-covered table. There a me...
In a televised debate between contenders to become the new Tory leader (and therefore temporarily Prime Minister), the surprise winner was an empty chair. The chair agreed to take part as a last minute replacement for pie-munching posh scarecrow B...
After a meeting between leading MPs and the police commission, Christopher Chope (the MP who blocks bills banning female genital mutilation) shared his unique thoughts on knife crime. Just as expected, this lizard wearing a human skin suit made about...
As a reward for their staggering incompetence throughout the Brexit process and every other aspect of their lives, MPs have awarded themselves a pay rise of nearly two grand a year. It’s seen as a victory for the chancers who seem to sleep their w...
Failed "Foreign Secretary" Boris "Bozo" Johnson is undergoing secret diversity training in preparation for a leadership challenge to hapless "Prime Minister" Theresa "Maybot" May. Under the expert tutelage of "comedian" Jim Davidson OBE, Mr Johnso...
Straw-haired buffoon Boris Johnson has resigned from his job as UK Foreign Secretary, in protest at Brexit plans that he believes are "not outy enough". He bragged that although he achieved "bugger all" during his two years in the high-profile gov...
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