Chope and Cheese

Written by Backandtotheleft

Wednesday, 27 March 2019

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After a meeting between leading MPs and the police commission, Christopher Chope (the MP who blocks bills banning female genital mutilation) shared his unique thoughts on knife crime. Just as expected, this lizard wearing a human skin suit made about as much sense as jamming a fork into your butthole.

Chode (as he will be referred to) said:

"Maybe knife crime victims could get fitter. So that if they are knife crimed they could just run away."

This, of course, goes alongside other “alternative” ways to prevent crime that Mr Chode is probably a fan of. Maybe place a cork in your vagina to prevent rape! Mr Chode carried on baffling the commission with statements like:

"Maybe they could expose themselves to gamma radiation. You know like The Thing, they can get stone skin, and then I guarantee incidents of penetrative stabbing will be reduced sixfold."

Most people attending the meeting had no idea who Chode was, and wondered if one man could be any more shitty as a human being.

They then remembered the current sitting cabinet. Chode concluded with:

"Knife crime is only a problem because of the ease of access to kitchens in low income areas. Take these facilities away and watch knife crime stop."

Just when you think the Conservative party has sunk as far as it can go, there’s always one of them cunts willing to break out the heavy duty mining equipment and plumb new depths of cuntisim.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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