Straw-haired buffoon Boris Johnson has resigned from his job as UK Foreign Secretary, in protest at Brexit plans that he believes are "not outy enough".
He bragged that although he achieved "bugger all" during his two years in the high-profile government role, he at least managed to make a dramatic exit by quitting at a critical moment in Brexit negotiations.
"I've always known exactly when to quit. Like when I left the circus just after the elephants shat on Mr Binky. Or when I quit as London Mayor just after I lost the election."
Boris said that he loved the drama of a government meltdown, and like many in the Conservative party he thrived on backstabbing and in-fighting.
"It's like being back at Eton when we played the biscuit game," he slavered with an upper-class grin. "This time we're trying to make Theresa May eat the biscuit. If we all quit then she has to do it."