Government buildings not allowed to have Union Jack off

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Thursday, 25 March 2021

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The UK's insane Tory rulers have ordered that all government buildings must fly the Union Jack at all times. The move was ordered by Boris Johnson, who said that he believed it would inspire civil servants to work harder.

Geoff Tard, who works at the Ministry of Bureaucracy, was ecstatic at the news. "Duh! It'll be useful. Sometimes I forget what country I'm working in. Duh! We were asked to wear Union Jack underpants at work as well, which is convenient, because I can never decide which colour to wear. Duh!"

Not everyone shared that enthusiasm. Mayor of Chaffinch St Cock, Bernard De'ath, recalled a bad experience when their town hall began to fly the Union Flag last year. "We accidentally flew the flag upside down, which is, of course, a sign of distress. Somebody notified the authorities, and ten firefighters broke down the front door of the town hall just as I was being intimate with my secretary. So I think it's a terrible idea."

Vladimir Unionjakov, head of the UK's Patriotic Britishers for Britain society, thought that it would help British people realise their Britishness. "What could be more British than forcing people to fly a flag," he said. "Anyone who doesn't like it is traitor, and should be shot."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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