UK government reveals suspicious plan to ease lockdown

Funny story written by Sir Geoffroy Cockface

Tuesday, 23 February 2021

image for UK government reveals suspicious plan to ease lockdown
Pub chain Jefferforks are expected to be crowded in late April, but the only beer available will be home-brewed Fosters

Earlier this week, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a plan for how the lockdown will finally be lifted in the UK - or at least in the parts he still controls, so only England. The plan is to ease restrictions in stages to minimise the chances of the coronavirus spreading out of control yet again.

The PM's fingers are clearly visible in the plans. In phase one, married men will be free to visit their mistresses, and married women free to have affairs. Apart from that, the full lockdown will remain.

In phase two, businesses run by friends of cabinet ministers will be allowed to open. Businesses who have paid a suitable bribe to the government will be considered as well.

In phase three, pubs, rugby clubs and fee-paying schools will open, while restaurants selling foreign food, public parks and state schools will remain closed.

Finally, at the end of June, everything will be opened again, and the PM has announced a parade and a national holiday to celebrate his great victory in leading the country out of the crippling virus.

In Scotland, a similar plan will be followed but with each phase following two weeks after England, in order for the parliament in Edinburgh to claim moral superiority.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more