Earlier this week, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced a plan for how the lockdown will finally be lifted in the UK - or at least in the parts he still controls, so only England. The plan is to ease restrictions in stages to minimise the chances of the coronavirus spreading out of control yet again.
The PM's fingers are clearly visible in the plans. In phase one, married men will be free to visit their mistresses, and married women free to have affairs. Apart from that, the full lockdown will remain.
In phase two, businesses run by friends of cabinet ministers will be allowed to open. Businesses who have paid a suitable bribe to the government will be considered as well.
In phase three, pubs, rugby clubs and fee-paying schools will open, while restaurants selling foreign food, public parks and state schools will remain closed.
Finally, at the end of June, everything will be opened again, and the PM has announced a parade and a national holiday to celebrate his great victory in leading the country out of the crippling virus.
In Scotland, a similar plan will be followed but with each phase following two weeks after England, in order for the parliament in Edinburgh to claim moral superiority.