Written by Backandtotheleft

Thursday, 28 February 2019

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As a reward for their staggering incompetence throughout the Brexit process and every other aspect of their lives, MPs have awarded themselves a pay rise of nearly two grand a year.

It’s seen as a victory for the chancers who seem to sleep their way through Commons debates, have 5 pints before going along to a crucial vote, claim for paper clips, and routinely pass laws which actively kill people. Hello, austerity! Guess you don’t apply if you work in politics.

Whereas most of us have to decide if we’re putting the heating on, or having a hot meal this week, MPs are getting a rise higher than most people's monthly take-home pay.

This is like rewarding a rapist for wearing a condom.

For being the most bumbling, incompetent and just “fucked” Prime Minister in living memory, Theresa May will now receive one-hundred-and-fifty-five thousand quid a year. Presumably for all her good work in blaming the EU for pretty much every problem in her shagged-up negotiation process.

We work as journalists, so minimum wage has never applied to us, because we’re paid for our insightful think pieces and thoughts. We spoke to one half of Back and to the Left news to see what he thought. Alex said:

"Seriously? You’re fucking kidding me? That weasel-faced fuck nut, Hunt, is getting a raise? May. Hammond that fossil Peter fucking bone, that clown who loves upskirting women? Every one of them? Getting a fucking pay rise? What for? Spectacular failure at everything? Why does this country reward incompetence? If I did half the things they just brush off, I’d be sacked. In fact I’ve been fucking arrested for less! What do you mean “stop shouting you’re on the bus”? Hey, fuck you, man! This applies to you as well. They're fucking us all, man! Well you should fucking care. No, you come here!"

We had to cut the interview short as Alex had once again got himself embroiled physically with a member of the public on local transport.

We are also well aware that Labour MPs have accepted this as well, and just because we aren't name checking them doesn't mean we don't hate them equally. It's just they haven't spent the last 8 years dismantling the NHS.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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