In a televised debate between contenders to become the new Tory leader (and therefore temporarily Prime Minister), the surprise winner was an empty chair.
The chair agreed to take part as a last minute replacement for pie-munching posh scarecrow Boris Johnson who was busy stuffing his face with a roast pig's arse while lying in the bath. By coincidence the chair has the same name.
Boris Johnson the chair was reticent about revealing policy but is said to be the most scandal-free Tory politician in decades. When asked what plans it had for Brexit, the chair coyly replied with a knowing silence. It should be enough to sway all but the most extreme Conservative voters.
Tory voter Geoff Arse was positive about Boris Johnson the chair’s chances. “He’s a chair you can support. I could never hope to sit on a finer MP."
One problem which may prevent Boris Johnson the chair from becoming Prime Minister is that it doesn't currently hold a parliamentary seat. Spokesman Henry Bollockswaithe said that it wouldn't matter. He explained, "Boris Johnson the chair IS a seat!"