In an effort to find that different thing to make their social media pics better than that trollop Tracey, who drops Zayn off wearing her pyjamas and parks her 4x4 on the zig zig lines, parents have been paying £24.99 for a breakfast with Scrooge.
The meal comes complete with cold gruel, a souvenir nightshirt and having the shit scared out of them by a bored teenager with a sheet on his head and his mum’s Ann Summers handcuffs.
“No-one’s ever done Breakfast with Scrooge before,” said Nicola Mental, 27. “Our Kayden won’t go to the grotto ‘cause he said that Santa’s a nonce, so what could be better than spending a stupid amount of money on a crap breakfast with a character from a Victorian fable about capitalism being the greatest evil in society? His mates are going to be so jealous.”
Event organiser, Andy Crowdsay-Boselecta, defended Breakfast with Scrooge against claims it's a rip off: “Our gruel is vegan because we care about the health of the children – and in no way because we ran out of milk to put on the Speedy Brek and couldn’t be arsed nipping down the shops... and if we included a present, that wouldn’t be like Scrooge, would it? Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some children to scare. Happy Christmas.”
