BILLINGSGATE POST: Some of the author’s readers might recall stories where he has written about Wile E Coyote and the Road Runner. Now, with some license requested, the reader will be transformed into an imaginary world, where they will be made witness - as earlier promised - to the epic confrontations between Wile E Biden and the Trump Runner.
Using the mandatory list of rules instituted by Chuck Jones to set strict rules of engagement between the two original adversaries - then implementing arcane counter-reverse Quasimodo shuffle techniques to apply Anthropomorphic animal characteristics to humans - namely, Joe Biden and Donald Trump, I promise to take no liberties as I apply them functionally to the epic battle between Wile E Biden and the Trump Runner in a series of stories that will knock your socks off.
RULE 1. THE TRUMP RUNNER CANNOT HARM WILE E BIDEN EXCEPT BY GOING "MEEP-MEEP!”
RULE 2. NO OUTSIDE FORCE CAN HARM WILE E BIDEN - ONLY HIS OWN INEPTITUDE OR THE FAILURE OF ACME PRODUCTS.
RULE 3. WILE E BIDEN COULD STOP ANYTIME - IF HE WERE NOT A FANATIC (REPEAT: "A FANATIC IS ONE WHO REDOUBLES HIS EFFORT WHEN HE HAS FORGOTTEN HIS AIM.") - GEORGE SANTAYANA
RULE 4. NO DIALOGUE EVER, EXCEPT "MEEP-MEEP!"
RULE 5. THE TRUMP RUNNER MUST STAY ON THE TRUMP - OTHERWISE, LOGICALLY, HE WOULD NOT BE CALLED TRUMP RUNNER.
RULE 6. ALL ACTION MUST BE CONFINED TO THE NATURAL ENVIRONMENT OF THE TWO CHARACTERS - THE WORLD STAGE.
RULE 7. ALL MATERIALS, TOOLS, WEAPONS, OR MECHANICAL CONVENIENCES MUST BE OBTAINED FROM THE ACME CORPORATION.
RULE 8. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, MAKE GRAVITY WILE E BIDEN’S GREATEST ENEMY.
RULE 9. WILE E BIDEN IS ALWAYS MORE HUMILIATED THAN HARMED BY HIS FAILURES.
Dr. Slim: “LET THE SERIES BEGIN!”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Move over Leo Tolstoy. This series will have more twists and turns than a Russian novel.”