BILLINGSGATE POST: After six months of silent hibernation in his basement, Rip Van Biden finally wakes up and can’t stop talking. “This can happen,” says noted Sleep Therapist, Dr. Quasimodo, who heads the Deep Sleep Department at Harvard Univers…
BILLINGSGATE POST: The silence was deafening. All was quiet on the Western front. Not even the the Banshee rag pickers were howling. It was worse than that. Mice were nibbling on Velveeta cheese with rubber-tipped teeth so that their sounds were muf...
BILLINGSGATE POST: If there was a bounce to Hannibal Lecter’s step last year as he exited the Saudi Arabia Embassy in Istanbul with a new lampshade in his arms, was it because he was light in his loafers, or was it just because he was satisfied with...
BILLINGSGATE POST: The wings of the hummingbird fluttering outside the window of John Bolton’s Washington office were squeaking, not humming. Bolton awoke from his brown Naugahyde BarcaLounger with a start. A workman with a can of WD-90 approached th...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Dr. Billingsgate takes questions from vitally-concerned non-entities who wish to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to probe the innards of the good doctor’s inner-self: Dear Dr. B: You have been very critic...
BILLINGSGATE POST: The IAAF, the governing body that determines eligibility for international amateur sports, has decreed that future Olympics must offer an open division to include all comers. In order to adjust for “intersex” female athletes who p...
BILLINGSGATE POST: In most mystery stories, the culprit is usually the butler. In large churches, such as cathedrals, they don’t have butlers. But they do have sextons employed to maintain the church. Quasimodo wasn’t part of that team. He, as yo...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Joe Biden muffed when attempting to identify his wife’s hair. In a staged test set up by the Democrat National Committee, Biden was asked to correctly identify the hair of a number of randomly selected Individuals that included h...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Newsworthy only because it appears to be, this subject might seem to be relevant, even though it’s not. If it were, no one capable of understanding it would read it, especially in this forum. In a much discussed experiment invo...
BILLINGSGATE POST: Regardless of your political leanings, a chance to be privy to a once-in-life-time conversation between Slim Everdingle and Detrick “Dirty Trick” Detwiler as they talk about the ultimate trifecta; Skanks, Mueller and the Quasimodo...
BILLINGSGATE POST: The question as to whether Donald Trump is a New Age Centaur, or just the result of a chance encounter between a two-legged Trumpster and a four-legged antelope, is now being belted around the Beltway. Although most anthropologi...
Celtic fans wondered what Rajon Rondo had to say about the Ray Allen debacle in Boston. Many Celtic insiders have been blaming Allen's disaffection and departure on the cold shoulder Rondo often gave him during the games and at dinner. The resp...
London - Nifty use of crafty shoulder pads conceals that 'Hunchback of Notre Dame' look that's plagued Queen Elizabeth ever since her wedding night back in '47. Apparently some nuptial gymnastics on a Buckingham Palace four poster dislocated her a...
FOXBOROUGH - Who says that Bill Belichick won't break down the specific game plan before an upcoming game? Yesterday in a press conference he announced that he was going to use the reverse Quasimodo bell defense in an attempt to "ring in" Bronco qua...
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