Unconfirmed reports that the Pentagon is developing a missile that travels 17 times faster than the missile that travels 17 times slower, have not been confirmed.
“The President learnt ‘They’ had a missile that was ‘damn fast’, so we started planning one that was ‘God damn fast’,” said an unconfirmed source, “then the President heard ‘Their friends’ were developing one that was ‘double god damn fast’, and he wanted one that was ‘Really double God damn fasterer and more louderer’."
So far $150 has been spent on some really good drawings of missiles, but there is limited urgency in the development stage, as it's believed ‘They’ only have an ‘Averagely good’ missile, and ‘Their friends’ missile has been converted to power a central heating system.
“But, since we got the ‘OK’ to up the drawing budget to $250 trillion, we moved into the 'Super-duper' picture stage, which is perhaps what the President was referring to,” said the unconfirmed source. “We believe we can contain development to the coloured picture stage for some time, so long as the President doesn’t eat any more crayons.”
‘They’ were unavailable for comment, but an unconfirmed source said that things started to get out of hand when an unnamed current US president got upset when ‘They’ and ‘Their friends’ forgot to send him a birthday card.