Donald Trump has proved once again that he is the cleverest man on Earth, when he was shown a picture of a giraffe, which he had never seen before, and recognised the animal.
"It's truly unbelievable," said White House Doctor Geoff Brown. "His acuity of actuation is actually awesome."
He later admitted, "They told me to say that."
Trump bragged that he aced a test which was intended to check his cognitive abilities were normal. He said in an interview with Fox News, "I actually took one very recently when, you know, the radical left was saying, ‘Is he all there? Is he all there?’"
"I got all them animoles," he announced on Twitter. "The jellyfunt and the rinoserious."
The Guinness Book of World Records announced that they had been contacted by the President's staff about whether he would win an award for his obviously incredible mental abilities. A Guinness staff member replied diplomatically, "We'll look into it."