Trump Dismisses Depression Epidemic as "Fake Blues"

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 15 March 2020

image for Trump Dismisses Depression Epidemic as "Fake Blues"
While characterizing depression as "fake blues," Trump encouraged people to take medication to support the economy.

A proponent of positive thinking, United States President Donald Trump dismissed the wave of depression, anxiety, and other mental illness reportedly sweeping the nation as “fake blues.”

“As Abraham Lincoln said, most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” said Trump, encouraging Americans overwhelmed by hopelessness and despair to “fake it till they make it” – that is, to paste on a smile and adopt a cheerful demeanor until they actually feel cheerful. “I’m a big believer in faking it until you make it. Look at me – I faked it all the way to the presidency.”

Expressing doubt regarding the common perception that the number of Americans with anxiety and/or depression is skyrocketing like never before, Trump said, "Once again, the liberal media is distorting reality. Those people aren’t actually unhappy. They’re just hoping that if they complain long enough, someone will give them a handout. Really what they need is some tough love.”

When it was pointed out, however, that Big Pharma continues to be one of the largest bankrollers of many conservative groups, including Trump’s own campaign, the president was quick to speak up in favor of pharmaceutical remedies for depression and other mood disorders. “Just because it’s fake blues doesn’t mean there’s not a pill for it. I hear Oxycontin has done wonders for people. I’d urge anyone to take medication - to support the economy, if nothing else.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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