PFfizer (or however you spell it) has put vaccines in gum! For all those bratty kids and their suspicious parents who don’t want to take their medicine … who doesn’t love a stick of gum? This gum is different, however. It sticks so well, that you…
I was hanging out at the headquarters of Big Pharma, when something went terribly, terribly wrong! (And I thought Pharma had everything under control! But there were human beings – that corrupt species – running the show, putting ink into the eyes…
Big Farma is taking over the world, jacking up prices on every tomato and pickle that comes out of the ground, and no one is doing a damn thing about it! So many farmers have a strangle hold on poor financial investors and Wall Street stock broker…
CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The word coming out of the headquarters of several marjor pharmaceutical companies is that they want people to stop referring to them as Big Pharma. An executive with Pizer said that when individuals hear the name Big Ph…
Thanks to 1986 legislation severely limiting pharmaceutical companies’ liability for vaccine-related injuries, coupled with new legislation completely immunizing manufacturers of COVID-19 vaccines from legal liability, Big Pharma triumphantly reporte…
Disconcerted to find himself suffering from a recalcitrant case of COVID vaccine hesitancy, Hector Romano of Nashville, Tennessee, embarked on a journey to understand his own motives – and wound up confronting some painful personal truths. “I’m a…
A sound in the small hours of the night many people are now discussing seems to be extending rather than reducing. Reported first as located directly over the White House, it has spread throughout the country and into Alaska. Analysts working o…
Breaking: CBS has just released a new broad interview with top US health authorities on the current coronavirus pandemic. The interview promises "aggressive reporting," in the VCGS (Viewer Confidence in Government Services) series. Following ea…
Old McDonald’s White Farm - We knew Hymie was special when we brought him in from the fields that warm September, when we were young and shallow fellows. All of us wanted to be the one chosen to eat him. But I was the one who drew the long st...
Cognizant that months of sheltering in place will have made people especially vulnerable to bacterial hazards, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has partnered with Bayer AG, which acquired what used to be Monsanto in June of 2018, to dis...
While there is currently no known cure for COVID-19 itself, Purdue Pharma, the maker of the opioid drug Oxycontin, issued a statement recommending Oxycontin for off-label use in treating the symptoms of coronavirus self-quarantine – which may include...
A proponent of positive thinking, United States President Donald Trump dismissed the wave of depression, anxiety, and other mental illness reportedly sweeping the nation as “fake blues.” “As Abraham Lincoln said, most folks are about as happy as t...
Despite promising early research results as a potential non-toxic antidote to singlehood, Kyle Strickland of Nashville, Tennessee, failed a non-inferiority trial and ultimately was not approved as Christina Angelo’s new boyfriend. “It’s disappoint...
Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration". "The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized F...
It is rumored that Martin Shrekli raised the prices of pharmaceutical products to lessen the total world population, being part of a secret organization that shares the same views as he does. Raising the prices of pills that prevented amenable mo...
Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan was thrilled to truthfully announce that, apart from the bank's history of fraudulent acts and misuse of customers' cash, at least it never sold the prescription opioid Oxycontin, the highly addictive nature of whic...
With a wave of artists and perforners coming out about their experiences with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders, Big Pharma giant Smerck & Co. believes that it has found the solution - by more accurately pinpointing the problem. "Ar...
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