MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - An anonymous Mar-a-Lago employee has revealed that Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump is so depressed and miserable that he has taken up smoking. The insider stated that the Orange Whale is smoking four packs of Marlboros e…
VALDOSTA, Georgia - (Satire News) - Donald Trump was in Valdosta getting an estimate on having botox done on his third and fourth chins. While in the doctor's waiting room he was asked by a reporter with The Cloud 9 News Agency if it was true that…
We’ve seen our favorite heroes gender-swapped and race-swapped over the years in our media. Now see your favorite stars battling with mental illnesses from the DSM-V. Alfred walks into the bedroom of Batman with his lunch he prepared for him and s…
Despite a number of bad things happening in real life, bad things happening in the soaps still seem to be incredibly popular. A serial killer haunting Emmerdale, and a seemingly inept policeman not noticing that all of the deaths have happened sin…
The same man who said earlier that he was suffering from stress, boredom, depression, frustration, isolation, gross mental strain and a mild psychopathic nature has now admitted that, from time to time, his language can be extremely colorful. And,…
A man who says he is suffering from stress, boredom, depression, frustration, isolation, gross mental strain and a mild psychopathic nature has admitted that, from time to time, he gets a bit angry. And, often, he becomes extremely irritable. M…
A pedestrian who was walking along a public footpath has said he isn't really certain why he did it, but claims to have trodden on a bottle top he saw, squashing it almost flat. The incident occurred at around 7:45 am this morning, as schoolteache…
A young girl with a splitting headache whose sorrowful image has been flashed across the front pages of most of the newspapers across the world, has said that it was, in fact, a terrible migraine she'd had for two days after a stressful day at school…
A man who has borne the Coronavirus crisis with what seemed to others as a 'steady resolve' during unprecedented times, has revealed that his cool, calm exterior is disguising a multitude of psychological problems, and that he has had just about as m…
MONTECITO, California – A member of Ellen’s TV show has stated that the daytime talkshow host has been extremely depressed as of late. The insider says that the 62-year-old DeGeneres is feeling like she is starting to age at a much faster pace tha…
HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – Reports filtering out of LaLaLand are saying that Demi Lovato is in a state of depression. The singer/actress is still upset about her recent break-up with Brad Pitt, who is alleged to have insulted her by saying he fel…
A local man announced on Monday that he feels his seasonal depression gets worse and worse every year, and scientists say this is yet another effect of global warming. Michael Blackstone, 31, says that his depression is most severe when daylight…
NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) - Some of Lady Gaga’s closest friends recently confided to Celebrity Globe that they are afraid that Lady Gaga may hurt herself, since she has fallen into a depressed mood. Bellatrix Coyotero, who is Gaga’s hairstyli…
A man who had taken about as much as he could possibly take - and maybe even a little bit more - has said that, as far as employment matters go, he simply just could not be bothered today. "I know it sounds unprofessional," said a jaded-looking Mo…
LOS ANGELES – The popular pop singer has told The Hollywood Gazette-Globe newspaper that she is starting to feel highly depressed, extremely claustrophobic, and erotically horny due to sheltering-in-place. Lovato said that she has been working on...
After wrestling into the dark hours of the night with shame, self-abandonment, and bafflement as to what his life even meant, Randy Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, awakened the next morning feeling a little groggy. “Yeah, normally I jump up brigh...
Caleb Bonner of Nashville, Tennessee, knew he was at a critical juncture. A barrage of news about mass pandemics, dubious politics, and an increasingly unlivable planet had left him wondering whether life was even worth living. Was there any point in...
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