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Funny satire stories about anxiety

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Funny story: Trump Dismisses Depression Epidemic as "Fake Blues"

Trump Dismisses Depression Epidemic as "Fake Blues"

A proponent of positive thinking, United States President Donald Trump dismissed the wave of depression, anxiety, and other mental illness reportedly sweeping the nation as “fake blues.” “As Abraham Lincoln said, most folks are about as happy as t...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Lets Depression Have Its Way with Him

Nashville Man Lets Depression Have Its Way with Him

After fending off its advances for years, Wayne Mason of Nashville, Tennessee, finally allowed depression to have its way with him. “Very seductive,” said Mason of the existential, twisted thoughts with which depression ultimately lured him in. “U...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Gets Serious about Having Some Fun

Nashville Man Gets Serious about Having Some Fun

Accused of being rigid, upright, and even a total buzz-kill, Cody Jameson of Nashville, Tennessee, decided to get serious about having some fun. "I know I need to work on loosening up and having a good time," said Cody. "It won't be easy, but it's...

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Funny story: Vulnerability Shown to Be Powerful Tool for Attractive People

Vulnerability Shown to Be Powerful Tool for Attractive People

According to the latest research, vulnerability can be a game-changing tool for attractive people to deepen intimacy, build trust, and create more authentic connections. "There's something about the quivering of a chiseled jaw, or the teardrop run...

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Funny story: Desperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise

Desperate FDA Classifies Anxiety as Exercise

Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...

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Funny story: One in Four Americans Affected by Mental Health

One in Four Americans Affected by Mental Health

A recent report from the National Institute of Health revealed that one in four Americans is affected by mental health, but, fortunately, rates of mental health are on the rapid decline. "We're making progress," said NIH Director Francis Collins.

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Funny story: General Anesthesia Recommended for Majority of American Population

General Anesthesia Recommended for Majority of American Population

With over half of Americans regularly taking at least one prescription medication for either physical or psychological ailments or both, the Food and Drug Administration has recommended that the majority of the population simply be put under general...

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Funny story: United States to Annex State of Anxiety

United States to Annex State of Anxiety

Not to be deterred by his failed bid to purchase Greenland, United States President, Donald Trump, recently announced that the nation will be annexing the 51st state - specifically, the state of Anxiety. "Rich in natural resources like indigenous...

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Funny story: Anxiety Found to Be Totally Badass Emotion

Anxiety Found to Be Totally Badass Emotion

While some emotions have been shown to not take much initiative or even be downright lazy, anxiety has been found to be the hardest-working of all the emotional states - to the extend that some have described her as a total badass. "She's a real g...

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Funny story: Neurotic New Yorkers Debate Who's Most Anxious

Neurotic New Yorkers Debate Who's Most Anxious

"I don't know anybody who has worse anxiety than me," said Lauren Kane of New York City. "I wake up every morning with a crushing sense of dread. If I even managed to fall asleep the night before, that is." While sympathetic to Lauren's anxiety is...

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Funny story: Manhattan Man Diagnosed with Existential Insomnia

Manhattan Man Diagnosed with Existential Insomnia

After months of lying awake at night unable to catch more than the occasional brief, restless wink, concerned that he might have sleep apnea or some sort of mild epileptic disorder, Matthew Cooper visited his doctor, only to learn that he was sufferi...

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Funny story: Big Pharma Introduces Medication to Cure Creativity

Big Pharma Introduces Medication to Cure Creativity

With a wave of artists and perforners coming out about their experiences with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders, Big Pharma giant Smerck & Co. believes that it has found the solution - by more accurately pinpointing the problem. "Ar...

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Funny story: New York Man Credits Antidepressants with Saving His Life (or at Least Possibly Helping a Little)

New York Man Credits Antidepressants with Saving His Life (or at Least Possibly Helping a Little)

Rich Jones of New York City credits anti-depressant medications with saving his life, or at least, possibly helping a little. "Instead of total despair, i now just feel generally blah," reported Rich. "For that, I have these drugs to thank.” R...

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Funny story: Anxious university students demand maestro cease conducting orchestra with a baton

Anxious university students demand maestro cease conducting orchestra with a baton

Students at a prestigious northeastern university are demanding the school’s orchestra conductor cease and desist from using either his hands, or his baton, when conducting the university orchestra. “The abrupt hand movements and the brandishing...

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