After wrestling into the dark hours of the night with shame, self-abandonment, and bafflement as to what his life even meant, Randy Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, awakened the next morning feeling a little groggy. “Yeah, normally I jump up brigh...
A proponent of positive thinking, United States President Donald Trump dismissed the wave of depression, anxiety, and other mental illness reportedly sweeping the nation as “fake blues.” “As Abraham Lincoln said, most folks are about as happy as t...
After fending off its advances for years, Wayne Mason of Nashville, Tennessee, finally allowed depression to have its way with him. “Very seductive,” said Mason of the existential, twisted thoughts with which depression ultimately lured him in. “U...
Accused of being rigid, upright, and even a total buzz-kill, Cody Jameson of Nashville, Tennessee, decided to get serious about having some fun. "I know I need to work on loosening up and having a good time," said Cody. "It won't be easy, but it's...
According to the latest research, vulnerability can be a game-changing tool for attractive people to deepen intimacy, build trust, and create more authentic connections. "There's something about the quivering of a chiseled jaw, or the teardrop run...
Desperate to counter skyrocketing rates of mental illness and plummeting rates of physical activity, the Food and Drug Association has officially classified anxiety as exercise. "It really does get the heart rate up at times," said FDA Commissione...
A recent report from the National Institute of Health revealed that one in four Americans is affected by mental health, but, fortunately, rates of mental health are on the rapid decline. "We're making progress," said NIH Director Francis Collins.
With over half of Americans regularly taking at least one prescription medication for either physical or psychological ailments or both, the Food and Drug Administration has recommended that the majority of the population simply be put under general...
Not to be deterred by his failed bid to purchase Greenland, United States President, Donald Trump, recently announced that the nation will be annexing the 51st state - specifically, the state of Anxiety. "Rich in natural resources like indigenous...
While some emotions have been shown to not take much initiative or even be downright lazy, anxiety has been found to be the hardest-working of all the emotional states - to the extend that some have described her as a total badass. "She's a real g...
"I don't know anybody who has worse anxiety than me," said Lauren Kane of New York City. "I wake up every morning with a crushing sense of dread. If I even managed to fall asleep the night before, that is." While sympathetic to Lauren's anxiety is...
After months of lying awake at night unable to catch more than the occasional brief, restless wink, concerned that he might have sleep apnea or some sort of mild epileptic disorder, Matthew Cooper visited his doctor, only to learn that he was sufferi...
With a wave of artists and perforners coming out about their experiences with depression, anxiety and other mood disorders, Big Pharma giant Smerck & Co. believes that it has found the solution - by more accurately pinpointing the problem. "Ar...
Rich Jones of New York City credits anti-depressant medications with saving his life, or at least, possibly helping a little. "Instead of total despair, i now just feel generally blah," reported Rich. "For that, I have these drugs to thank.” R...
Students at a prestigious northeastern university are demanding the school’s orchestra conductor cease and desist from using either his hands, or his baton, when conducting the university orchestra. “The abrupt hand movements and the brandishing...
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