CANTON, Ohio – (Sports Satire) – Jerry Jones told Cinderella St. Lamb with the Balls News Agency that he is getting tired-as-hell of seeing his team lose.
He said that he is so stressed out that he is even having a problem getting it up in the bedroom department.
The Cowboys lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers 16 to 3, but Jones admitted that it could very well have been 30 to 3 except for the seven penalties that went their way.
The 78-year-old Jones did tell Miss St. Lamb, that the one bright spot that he saw is that the new Diet Gatorade is a big hit with all of the players, especially with his offensive line, which averages 378 pounds per lineman.
Jerry then added that he is thrilled with the performance of his Cowboy cheerleaders, who he said finally got the memo and they are finally starting to yell their stunningly gorgeous collective asses off.
He noted that during the game he received over 200 text messages telling him this year’s cheerleaders are the prettiest, sexiest, and horniest of any previous group; including the 2001 group, which included 7 girls that went on to work at Hooters, 6 that went on to work as pole dancers, and 3 that moved to Las Vegas and became high-priced call girls.
SIDENOTE: Mike McCarthy, Cowboys coach regrets that he had to cut promising Chinese place kicker Ying Ping Ping due to the language barrier.