Massachusetts Is The First State To Ban Nipple Rings

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 9 June 2021

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Maddie "Fifi" Woodweiser says she's never had nipple rings, but added she does have a very sexy labia majora ring.

BOSTON – (Satire News) – After years and years, the senators of the Bay State have finally paid attention to the state’s leading gynecologists.

With a vote of 71-29, the state’s rulers have passed a bill that will ban all nipple rings.

Boston gynecologist Dr. Neo Y. Nookniggin, 83, said that the bill titled (Tits-789-3), will go into effect immediately.

Dr. Nookniggin told the news media that the bill should have been implemented years and years ago, and it would have prevented so much needless boob surgeries to close unbridled piercings.

One victim of the nipple ring syndrome, who used the fake name, Bonnie Boobs, said that after getting nipple rings for each nipple, she noticed that the nipples were starting to turn lavender in color.

She divulged that at that point her boyfriend of 4 years, Gomer Goofer, stopped touching, caressing, and licking her breasts.

Dr. Nookniggin stated that he knows hundreds of cases like Bonnie’s and many of the Nipplettes, as females who wear nipple rings are called, ended up having to buy emotional support animals like pelicans, woodchucks, kangaroos, and in one extreme case an emotional support porcupine.

The good doctor said that victims of Nipple Ring Syndrone can get help, counseling, and assistance by logging on to www.nippleringhelp.tit

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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