OKLAHOMA CITY – (Satire News) – After receiving thousands of complaints in emails, text messages, Instagrams, and phone calls, the Oklahoma state legislature has voted to ban ribbed condoms by a vote of 57 to 43.
State Senator Barkston F. Goldensilver, of Horny Deer, Oklahoma, told assembled reporters that the reason is truly an unbelievable one.
Goldensilver, who recently revealed that the counterfeiting charges have been completely dropped, said that the reason why they have banned ribbed condoms is due to the fact that Oklahomans, who live in trailers or small apartments, with paper thin walls, are sick and tired of having to hear orgasmic women whose husbands or boyfriends wear those sensuously thick, erotic ribbed condoms screaming at the top of their lungs from sheer sexual enjoyment.
He went on to say that many of the Evangelicals say that the Banshee-like screams scare the hell out of young children, pets, and octogenarians.
Many of the Evangelicals told Goldensilver that they have been been married 30, 40, and 50 years and they have never once, even made so much as a peep, during their sanctioned and scheduled coital relations.
One couple, identified as Wilmer and Wilma Dorkenberry, who are both 79, said that they have always done the hokey-pokey on Saturday night, and in the dark, so Wilma said she has no idea if Wilmer is even circumcised or not.
In Other News. Kim Kardashian was recently asked by Don Lemon, if she misses her ex-husband Kanye West. Kimmy took a sip of her avocado margarita and replied, “Yeah…about as much as my humongous, industrial ass misses a bad case of diaper rash.”