Newcastle United Manager Steve Bruce To Get Extra Help In Bedroom

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 30 January 2021

image for Newcastle United Manager Steve Bruce To Get Extra Help In Bedroom
In happier times: sitting on the banks of the Tyne, talking about coal

It may have been an embarrassing week for Newcatle United manager Steve Bruce, who has faced the indignity of having an extra Coaching Assistant thrust upon him, but things got far worse today, when the Geordie's wife insisted upon enlisting the help of a Husbanding Assistant to help him at home, in the bedroom department.

Bruce, 60, who, in his media interviews, usually sports a black eye, or a face cut to pieces by the overzealous use of a razor, was forced to accept former Bournemouth coach Graeme Jones onto his team, after the Magpies have slid into a relegation battle in recent weeks.

But today, it became 'common knowledge' on Tyneside that Bruce's wife, Janet, has felt that Steve has been underperforming of late, struggling with his fitness and endurance, and failing to satisfy her, and she has called in a mystery Technical Assistant to help to steer her hubby in the right direction.

It's all the more surprising as Steve's middle name is 'Roger'.

Bruce was interviewed on Merseyside before his side's 2-0 victory against Everton, and said:

"Well, I suppose it was only a matter of time, to be fair. I'm in a poor run of form, I'm distracted, uninterested, and limp. I'm making the effort, but when you're in a relegation dogfight, nothing seems to go your way."

Bruce's helper has indicated that, although he may be able to help his boss to greater success between the sheets, there's nothing he can do for the team on the pitch.

They're as good as buggered," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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