Guatemala’s Drug Cartel-Owned Soccer Team Remains Undefeated

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 31 January 2021

image for Guatemala’s Drug Cartel-Owned Soccer Team Remains Undefeated
Guatemala City's Ixtantan Stadium is an exact replica of Real Madrid's Santiago Bernabeu Stadium.

GUATEMALA CITY - (Sports Satire) – Paloma Bocalinda, 26, with El Platano News Agency, has been covering the Central American Liga de Soccer games since the season started.

She reported that the Guatemala City Banananistas soundly defeated the Playa Flamingo Flamingos of Costa Rica 13-2.

Guat City, whose colors are banana yellow and banana green, have a 5-0 record.

La Mamasita, as the players, managers, and cerveza vendors call Paloma, pointed out that the team from Guatemala is owned by the head of the Tapachula Hombres Drug Cartel, Gomer Ixtantan.

Ixtantan, who reportedly is worth more than Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, and Taylor Swift combined, is proud of his muchachos, who he says play every game as if their lives depended on it.

Gomer, as no one calls him, was quick to say that his team manager Edelbertito Luna del Sol, who is only 19, and just happens to be his favorite nephew, is the best sports manager in the entire world.

He added that if any sports team owner, anywhere in the world, disagrees with him, they should give him a call at 1-202-555-WEED, and he would be more than happy to debate him.

The team’s superstar Enzo Carboncillo scored 10 of the 13 goals; his little 17-year-old brother Rudy, added two, and the league's only female player, Maria Alicia Elena Chulisima scored one.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more