In his desperate quest to convince Americans of the utterly benign effects of Covid-19, President Donald Trump will be spitting on his audience at the next rally of Republicans, and will invite them to spit on each other as evidence of the total harmless impact of such actions. Trump will also lead a 'Cough in my face' session at the White House, and ask visiting journalists to join in at press conferences.
A local Washington tinning and glass company has been commissioned with bottling the Trump family's phlegm, which they will be collecting in shiny receptacles over the coming weeks. Such mucus will be available in 100 mg and 250 mg bottles, and could be consumed as a dip, or applied as salad dressing, or even dabbed as perfume-ersatz behind the ears.
"Covid is not dangerous," repeated Trump. "It's all this testing crap. The more you test, the more you'll find. It stands to reason. All these masks do is send the bug back into you. So who does that help? And what has Corona got to do with schools re-opening? I just don't get the link. I really don't. Why blame the kids, why should they suffer? All these left-wing vegetarians should be lynched...theoretically, of course," he giggled.
'I'm gobbing for Donald' T-shirts were in great demand yesterday and Republicans were setting up saliva banks nationwide for those who wish to donate to the President's mission.