Enhanced Interrogation supervisor under investigation as she failed to provide protective face masks for clients

Funny story written by sean hodgson

Thursday, 9 July 2020

image for Enhanced Interrogation supervisor under investigation as she failed to provide protective face masks for clients
More effective than an oatmeal face mask

Since the Coronavirus pandemic put many full-time enhanced interrogators on furlough, there has been a shocking reduction in protection for staff, with many chambers not even providing a first aid kit.

Freelance interrogator, Mr. E. Gore, of McLean, VA, said, ‘Sure, I’ve had shocks from unearthed cattle prods, tetanus from rusty nipple clamps, but now clients without masks - haven’t they heard of Coronavirus!’

The privatization of enhanced interrogation combined with the current pandemic, means standards have dropped. ‘The Enhanced Interrogators Code of Practice is clear,’ said Chad Jigsaw, Health and Safety Inspector to Licensed Torture Chambers. ‘Clients need to wear masks, it’s common sense. Some of these people are coughing up blood, bile and breathing heavily.’

‘We did suspend operations, and some clients, during the lockdown, but we do value the safety of our staff,’ said Brenda O’Lox of Inquisitions R Us. ‘Now we have a hell of a backlog, and we can't get Office of Torture-approved masks, but we do gag our clients.’

‘I’ve taken to putting plastic bags over their heads,’ said Gore. ‘But I have to provide them myself, and often the clients simply pass out or even die before I’ve finished. It’s so unprofessional.’

‘There are a number of cowboys in this business,’ added Chad Jigsaw. ‘We are conducting a full investigation, and heads will roll, as well as a few other body parts. I mean, plastic bags and gagging! What is this, the dark ages?’

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more