Not A Bigfoot
FOX News says it is highly embarrassed over Geraldo's claim that his tape shown on the air showed the body of a Bigfoot.
They say he admits now that it is only that of a common everyday Wookie.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Already Breaking Promises
President Obama's Inauguration speech is being criticized for not including his campaign promise of a cure for death!
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Salmon O'Nella
In world news, a report out of Dublin, Ireland says that salmonella poisoning on potatoes has cut their population in half.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Indiana Name Change?
In state news, the state government of Indiana has given it's approval to the citizens of Gary, Indiana to be able to change their city's name to Chester, Indiana.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
New Pelosi, Reid Bill
A group of Democrats led by Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid have demanded that all pairs of scissors in the United States be registered and licensed.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
McCain Proposes New Idea
John McCain told reporters today that he had a meeting scheduled with President Obama late next week about his idea of issuing "Buffet Stamps".
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Obama Thanks Bill Clinton
Since hearing Jill Biden say that husband Joe had a choice of VP or Sec. of State, embarrassing Hillary, Obama tried to ease matters by thanking Bill Clinton for the "Trailer Park Vote" in his speech.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Carter, Clinton Feud
Despite the rumors of a long time feud between the Jimmy Carters and the Bill Clintons, both spoke to each other as they passed on stage during the Inauguration: "Peanut!"..."Pervert!"
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Obama: Could Change Name
Barack Hussein Obama told some of his staff yesterday that if his name became a problem with the American people, he was willing to change it to Saddam Hussein Obama.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Inauguration Stampede Prevented
While nearly two million people were cleared yesterday to see Barack Obama become president, a few filmed at December's WalMart stampede were turned away.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Four Star Daydream
Efforts to combat the credit crunch faltered today when bankers admitted the money had never existed to begin with. Common taters blamed The Forbes Rich List Syndrome and foreign built calculators.
written by I_see_no_ships, 21 January 2009
Atheists conference
January's Atheist Conference in Sheffield has been cancelled due to an act of god.
written by IainB, 21 January 2009
Invisibility
The lead suspect in the 'invisible man murders' has gone missing. Police have been unable to issue a description.
written by IainB, 21 January 2009
ConCon
The Con Artists Conference in Connecticut this year will be called ConConCon. Tickets are priced at $5000 a head. Please send unmarked bills to PO Box 17.
written by IainB, 21 January 2009
ESA Set out space goals
The European Space Agency have set up their space goals for 2009. It is set to be the highest altitude football match ever played.
written by IainB, 21 January 2009
Spy satellites a waste of money
A new suite of spy satellites costing $6billion can read a newspaper from space. They have been deemed a waste of money, because newspapers are on general sale for around a dollar.
written by IainB, 21 January 2009
MADD Mergers
The Mothers Against Drunk Drivers organization has merged with Mothers Against Running With Scissors and Mothers That Always Say "Somebody's Going To Get An Eye Put Out."
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Purple Pill's Performance
Surgeon General's report on Viagra says that, during the first eight years, the little purple pill's performance has had it's ups and downs.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
French Restaurant Desperate
French restaurants, hit hard by the recent worldwide recession, now offering snails on their Early Bird Specials.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Two Views
John McCain to be Larry King's guest next week where the two will discuss their different reactions to the War Between The States while children.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
PBS Threat
The Public Broadcasting System is threatening to run names across the screen of everybody who have never contributed during pledge weeks.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Important Discovery In Egypt
Anthropologists and archaeologists in Cairo say their recent expedition has found the skull of the earliest anthropologist
ever discovered in Egypt's Valley of the Anthropologists.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Out To Get Him
Solid gold boy tells his therapist that he's sure that the whole world is out to get him.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Dolly's Elephantittys Worse
Family and friends of longtime favorite singer say that Dolly Parton's elephantittys is getting worse and that she can barely stand without falling on her face.
written by Bureau, 21 January 2009
Elderly Woman Escapes Speeding Fine
An 83 year old Luton woman, talked herself out of a
speeding ticket by telling the young officer that she had to get there before she forgot where she was going.
written by IN SEINE, 21 January 2009
The Bush Twins Advice To The Obama Girls
The Bush daughters, Jenna and Barbara offered the Obama daughters, Malia and Sasha a bit of advice. Don't let your boyfriends pick you up at the White House. Meet them at McDonald's.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 January 2009
President Obama's New White House Parking Space
A White House custodian has been reprimanded for painting over George Bush's White House private parking space sign which read 'The Prez' with the words, "Da Man."
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 January 2009
The New York 'Se Habla Espanol' Times
The struggling New York Times has received an investment of $250 million from Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim. The only stipulation is that the Times has to hire a whole bunch of illegal aliens.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 January 2009
President Bush's Note To President Obama
In keeping with tradition, President Bush left a note on the oval office desk for President Obama. The note read: Keep this to yourself...there never were any weapons of mass destruction.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 January 2009
Oprah 'The House Mama' Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey, one of the world's richest women has homes in Illinois, California, New Jersey, Colorado, and Hawaii. Okay, let's see, that's 5 down, and 45 to go.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 January 2009
Hola, Welcome Back Amigos
Mexico taking a cue from The Great Wall of China and The Berlin Wall will soon begin construction on The Great Wall of Enchiladas. The project will employ returning illegal aliens from the U.S.
written by Abel Rodriguez, 21 January 2009
Obama admits tattoo
Washington,DC Questioned by a reporter, who claimed she knew him in college, Obama, sipping inaugural champagne, sheepishly admitted he has a tattoo, but refused to disclose its location or content.
written by Ms. Writer, 21 January 2009
