DNA Test Results Show That Matt Gaetz Is Most Probably Not The Illegitimate Son of Jeffrey Epstein

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 27 May 2021

image for DNA Test Results Show That Matt Gaetz Is Most Probably Not The Illegitimate Son of Jeffrey Epstein
This is a photo of the Ultra Panoramic 4001 Microscope that was used to test Matt Gaetz DNA.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – BuzzFuzz has just revealed that they have seen the recent DNA test results regarding Congressman Matt Gaetz, and they show that he is most probably not the illegitimate son of noted sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein.

Taffeta Kixx with BuzzFuzz said that she actually saw the 7-page report, and it said that the DNA testers were 97.6% certain that Gaetz is not Epstein’s bastard little, horny, SOB.

She did point out that the photos of Epstein’s and Gaetz peckers did bear an astonishing similarity, even down to the initials GOP, which were tattooed on the underside of the two dingle danglers.

Kixx also noted that both Epstein and Gaetz were infatuated with Dolly Parton’s gigantic milky white tits, they both love to eat Coney Island hot dogs with hot sauce, and both think that Elton John is extremely sexy.

In Other News. iRumors is reporting that Melania Trump has become addicted to Burger King’s Whopper Burgers and she’s now up to a 4-Whopper a-day habit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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