CHICAGO – (Satire News) – One of the nation’s leading DNA experts has just learned an amazing thing about Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump and Ann Hartlette Coulter. According to noted Dr. Bartles Jameson, the predatorial pervert and the human swizzl…
NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – Daily Drama reporter Cinderella St. Lamb, has just broken the Trump story of the season! The highly-reputable DNA collecting firm, which is based in Kalamazoo, Michigan, Yep Dat Be Your Squigglies Alright, has confi…
BALTIMORE – (Satire News) – BuzzFuzz has just uncovered a story that had been hidden from the entire country by the Trump family for 15 years. BuzzFuzz reporter Taffeta Kixx said that after following several leads, she has discovered that Donald J…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – BuzzFuzz has just revealed that they have seen the recent DNA test results regarding Congressman Matt Gaetz, and they show that he is most probably not the illegitimate son of noted sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein.
DICKWEED, Mississippi – (Satire News) – Marjorie Taylor Greene self-proclaimed darling of the QAnon movement and human tampon, has just become even more hated than Ann Coulter, Donald Trump, and Al Qaeda leader Mustafa Haliboo. The sewer water blo…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what genealogy experts are calling the most baffling discovery in over 45 years of genealogical research, President Donald J. Trump’s DNA has been found in Kenya. The Washington Globe-Express reported that the amazing thing i…
AUSTIN – The Guild of Lone Star State Veterinarians has issued an emergency directive regarding the legendary folkloric creature known as La Chupacabra. The name Chupacabra literally means 'goat sucker', and the animal was first spotted in Texas i...
NEW YORK CITY – The nation’s first daughter, Ivanka Trump, appeared with Stephen Colbert on his late night talk show. She was introduced as President Trump’s oldest and most favorite daughter. Amazingly enough, out of the 200 audience members, onl...
Thanks to the miracles of modern-day ancestry analysis through specialty service www.BudgetBloodlines.web, musicians Bryan Adams of Canada, and Ryan Adams of the United States, were informed that they are half-brothers, related through their common f...
A teacher in a school in Bangkok had the fright of his life recently when, listening intently to what a girl standing by the side of his desk was saying, and looking downward so as to focus his concentration on her words, he became aware that she had...
Washington - Several months ago, members of the Evangelical Right movement pounced on Senator Elizabeth Warren for claiming Native American ancestry based on family stories rather than DNA testing, which was not available decades ago at the time of...
In the past ten years, a successful attempt to sequence the genome of Neanderthals revealed that most modern humans carry 2-4% Neanderthal DNA, indicating our human ancestors bred with their ancient cousins. Further scientific research into a fin...
Senator Eliza Beth “Pocahontas” Warpath swabbed one of her body cavities to obtain a DNA “smear,” which she submitted to a clandestine cloning service, the name of which she refused to identify. The results of the analysis of the DNA sample, she s...
Scientists analysing huge, ancient bones, found on a Brit beach, have discovered something quite amazing! It seems the DNA in the bones, that belonged to a huge Jurassic sea monster, has the same DNA as the present UK foreign minister, BOJO! "Ther...
Chinese scientists researching a dinosaur egg have made an amazing discovery! Its DNA is the same as Theresa May's! The egg seems to be that of a feathered, flying dinosaur, that hovered, attacked and ruled over the planet millions of years ago. B...
The following is a partial reprint of a handbill given to me one Sunday morning as I stumbled to my pickup after a wild night partying in Athens, Ga, home of the University of Georgia. At issue was the recent DNA extracted from a 37,000 year old hum...
A very confused group of experts have been onto this for a month and still have no solution. "We have an Egyptian mummy, we think, brought here as usual to test the DNA so it could be dated and so we did", stated a DNA Expert in Tucson, Arizona. "...
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