(You can see where this one is gonna go, can’t ye?) Try the all new Jeff Epstein soap-on-a-rope, where you can shower and soap away all your blues and lawsuits and those many people who might hate you – -- for being rich, right? For having coo…
New York City, NY - (Teenage Glandular Secretions): There is feverish internet speculation tonight amid claims of a Justice Department stitch-up, after convicted serial pervert, Jeffrey Epstein, was busted at his swanky Upper East Side home. The s…
The American Department of Justice has realized that the CIA and FBI are both criminal cartels bigger and more powerful than any mafia, so they cannot be trusted with … THE LIST! So they sent me, Marlowe, no first name given, a private dick, to in…
I needed a bank loan but I didn’t know whether I should go to a bank or to my local mafia boss. The mafia guy was pretty upfront about it. “If youse don’t give me my money back with interest, you’ll be sleeping with the fishes.” I like fish, so…
BILLINGSGATE POST: “Reports of my death were slightly exaggerated,” explained Jeffrey Epstein, who was sighted coming out of a Palm Beach massage parlor by roving crack reporter, Detrick “Dirty Tricks” Detwiler. It was Detwiler who was assigned th…
Alan Doucherwitz calls himself a Liberal Democrat who likes to hang at Martha’s Vineyard, but, oh no! People are shunning him. They expect him to give fascinating lectures in the Vineyard, but why oh why doesn’t anyone like him? He’s being cancelled,…
OSSINING, New York – (Satire News) – Ghislaine Maxwell or Ghisy, as her fellow female inmates refer to prisoner #690369071, informed the Sing Sing Prison warden that she is ready to sing like a friggin' canary (and implicating Trump) if it means that…
NEW YORK- Opening statements were made in the trial of Ghislaine Maxwell today, and while cameras are not allowed in the courtroom, there is a sketch artist who has decided to make the accused super hot for unknown reasons. While Maxwell sits accu…
CATALINA ISLAND, California – (Satire News) – Matt Gaetz, 39, who has sex-trafficking issues up the yazoo, as they say in Yazoo City, Mississippi, has married 26-year-old Ginger Luckey. He promised the local news media that his new, blushing bride…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – BuzzFuzz has just revealed that they have seen the recent DNA test results regarding Congressman Matt Gaetz, and they show that he is most probably not the illegitimate son of noted sexual predator Jeffrey Epstein.
BROOKLYN – (Satire News) - A woman who many consider to be one of the most evil sexual predators in the history of sex, has stated that she needs to be released from prison as soon as possible. Ghislaine Maxwell told TMZ that if she is not release…
The beleaguered financial institution Deutsche Bank are reviewing their questionable investment in Jeffrey Epstein’s collection of fine silk ties, as it could be regarded as distasteful. Brinhilda Von B’Lox, the bank's risk analyst, said ‘Epstein…
BILLINGSGATE POST: As a precaution, the Department of Justice issued a warning to the hooples watching over Epstein’s mole, Ghislaine Maxwell: No one wearing a pink pantsuit is to be allowed near Maxwell’s cell at Metropolitan Detention Center in Br…
There were denials and counter-denials aplenty today, as Ghislaine Maxwell, the former girlfriend of sex pest, Jeffrey Epstein, crept out from under a stone to face an investigation into her own role in the shenanigans. In the last few days, Presi…
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The President of the United States has again shown that he is addicted to lying. As many have said, the man could not tell the truth if he was offered 50 Big Macs. His brain is programmed to lie, lie, lie, and lie a whole bun…
MANCHESTER, New Hampshire – One of the most evil women in history has just been arrested, and is now sitting in jail. Ghislaine Maxwell, (#6903517) who was the girlfriend of the most perverted pervert on Earth, Jeffrey Epstein, was arrested as she…
MANHATTAN – An officer with the NYPD has just made a discovery that will certainly have a huge effect on a lot of highly influential men. Officer Daphne Andruzzi said that a homeless man showed her a diary that he found in a dumpster. Upon ins...
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