Report Shows US Economy Boosted by Arson and Violence

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Saturday, 31 October 2020

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Politician Math: Arson($10) + Looting($10) = $50 increased property value

WASHINGTON DC - Democrats continue to claim credit for any and all positive economic news. Career bureaucrats at various agencies in the US Capitol determined that President Trump's opposition to ANTIFA will hurt economic recovery. As US GDP accelerated at a 33.1% annualized pace in the third quarter, Nancy Pelosi condemned the White House for stealing credit on the Obama "Mega-Successful" economy.

The Speaker of the House drew attention to China as a model for near-perfect policies in fighting COVID-19, while some reports showed America as "worst-place-on-earth-to-catch-a-virus." Health statistics from the United Nations (W.H.O.) claim a 0.1% death rate from COVID-19 in China, and no hospitalizations required for the novel coronavirus.

Many politicians around the world believe that they should be allowed to IMMEDIATELY implement the same policies as China, in order to save humanity. One very popular policy involves the use of heavily armed men wearing body armor in unmarked vans dragging "Infected Citizens" out of their homes, never to be seen again. Globalist CEO's agree with "Health and Productivity Camps" where persons are given sanitary personal spaces (often 3x3 meter), which are co-located with an industrial activity and education centers. In China, these facilities produce shoes, electronics, clothing, furniture, and many other products, at INCREDIBLY low prices (and that makes the factory owners happy).

In America, members of the US Congress, the FBI, the CIA, the NSA, and many DC bureaucrats complain "Trump has done nothing" to help the economy and prevent the spread of the Wuhan virus. Literally, the White House is blamed for every problem and all suffering on the planet. Meanwhile, people who have spent decades collecting a government check every month know that only expert lobbyists and more money can solve problems.

Among the key finding was evidence that Arson helped to enhance urban growth, and that criticism of ANTIFA Thugs often hurt the overall economy. Other data points in the study considered the benefits of a "F*CK-ALL-COPS" policy for eliminating crime, and creating an environment where Anarchy could provide for all resident needs in a community.

The report did receive significant criticism from Conservative Business Leaders, including analysts from "Think-Tanks" like, and Foundation for Economic Education (

William D. (Sr. Editor, Financials): "This report seems rather counter-intuitive, going far beyond the Broken Window Fallacy (Bastiat, 1850). It's almost as if the Democrat party gave their Talking Points to someone, wrote a Conclusion, and then paid for a bunch of made-up numbers on a spreadsheet. It sounds like bull$#it when they say Accrued-Social-Justice-Prosperity is a benefit of burning a Walmart to the ground."

Democrats and their campaign strategists have spent a great deal of time on TV with media hosts, and they all say one thing: Donald Trump is destroying the big, Democrat-run cities.... When Flint, Michigan has a Lead-contaminated water supply, blame Trump. When New York law forces COVID-19 infected patients into assisted living facilities, and 7,000 elderly residents die from the virus, the Governor blames Trump for the New York policy.


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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