Trump to deport all immigrants plus native borns with immigrant parents of the past 100 years

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

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Today Mr. Trump announced a new policy to stop “all the filthy, anti-American, horrible comments” on his administration.

According to White House sources, the basic problem stems from current criticisms over many of Mr. Trump’s domestic and international policies.

The immigration crisis is one of these, with children stripped from their parents and kept in horrible cages, plus there are other matters contradicting American values, according to his critics.

Another problem is the critiques of four new women in the congress known as “The Squad.”

These are Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Ayanna Pressley, Rashid Talib, and Ilhan Omar.

Dealing with these women and their complaints requires “a new model for removal,” according to White House officials.

Yesterday Mr. Trump said these reps should “go back where they came from and fix the problems there.”

This statement has some lexical incongruities, since three of the four on the squad are native Americans.

Going back to where they came from for these three would mean fixing problems in Massachusetts, New York, and Michigan--but this is precisely what these ladies campaigned on: to work for significant change.

As did Representative Omar of Minnesota, who was born in Somalia, but is an American citizen.

The Trump administration, however, has now solved this confusion from the President.

According to Vice-President Pence, the President did not exactly “misspeak,” but had been suffering a case of “morning mouth” due to not having had his coffee at the time.

Nevertheless, Mr. Pence said, the answer quickly emerged thereafter:

Ship everyone of either immigrant status, or born of immigrants, over the last 100 years, back to where they came from.

Those immigrants who arrived (or were born of immigrant parents) from before 100 years back will be granted “special dispensation” by this administration.

They will be allowed to remain on one condition—a special pledge of allegiance to not criticize government or Mr. Trump.

On the plus side, according to the Trump Administration, many new ICE police will be needed to round up these people (estimated in the tens of millions).

Temporary concentration holding camps will cause a boom for the construction industry.

Plus, an entire new generation of humvee stretch-wagons with loudspeakers, gas-spraying equipment, and automatic weaponry for crowd control during round-ups will be manufactured.

These benefits to the economy, through Mr. Trump’s new proposal, have led to strong approval in the congress, especially the Senate.

Vice-President Pence stated this new “Love It or Leave It” legislation hearkens back to the Vietnam War, and will be just as popular as it was then.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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