Democrat Candidates: Apology and Confession Tour

Written by Word Wizard

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

image for Democrat Candidates: Apology and Confession Tour
"Before I step through this door, I have something to tell you."

Elizabeth Warren apologized to all Native Americans for being somewhat wrong about her heritage. Tulsi Gabbard apologized for her past views about LGBTQ individuals. Most recently, Beto O'Rourke confessed that his ancestors owned slaves and reparations are in order.

O'Rourke was asked if he's ready to pull out his checkbook to start the payback process but replied, "Uh...well...actually...well, it has not yet been determined how it will all work." Hmm, sounds like he wants some help paying his bills.

So who else is revealing those skeletons in their closets? Here's a sampling.

Bernie Sanders confessed he is actually NOT the son of Colonel Sanders and does not know the secret chicken recipe at KFC.

Cory Booker revealed he has a nephew that jumped a subway turnstile without paying. He would like our help to pay $1000 to all PATH subway system riders on that day.

Kamala Harris recently confessed her father's first name is Donald. She is estranged from him until he changes his name.

Amy Klobuchar apologized to all Americans for The New York Times newspaper and New Yorker magazine both naming her as their pick for the first female president. "I never read either one, please believe me.", she said.

Joe Biden confessed and apologized for...well...it's quite a long list and requires an article on its own.

Kirsten Gillibrand confessed that she was too hard on Al Franken and Bill Clinton for their past misguided sexual wrongdoings. She blames it on the strong #METOO movement back then, but she is now in full support of the new #MeNEITHER men's movement. (look for #MeNEITHER article tomorrow)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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