Eastender character embarrassed on the bus
Claude Whathisname, a character actor on Eastenders, was shocked to realise that he had had torrid affairs with four passengers, three failed businesses involving eight of them, owed money to another four, and had seen another passenger at the GUM cl...
Read full storyCouple actually out dancing, rather than watching Strictly Come Dancing
Couple, Gary and Lorraine Johnson, have been out dancing tonight, rather than watching a couple of faded soap stars, and an Instagram influencer doing it to be criticised by some experts. 'We thought we hadn't been out dancing for a while,' said L...
Read full storyCarly Simon Recounts Yucky Trump Hug
Flogging her new book, “Touched by the Sun,” in an interview with Guardian magazine, Carly Simon recounted running into Mr. Trump at a New York social event long before he became commander-in-chief. After initially ignoring the singer, Simon claimed...
Read full storyCatholic Offended at Being Compared to Alien-Believer
Defending his faith in Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church, Chad Hanley took offense when an acquaintance, in passing, compared him to a person believing in aliens from outer space. “I’ve never in my life worn a tin-foil hat,” said Hanley. “Nor w...
Read full storyMillions Of Flying Insects Invade Man's Property
A man has told how his home was invaded by "millions" of flying insects that arrived shortly after dark, and buzzed obsessively around a light for hours. The scene at the home of Englishman, Moys Kenwood, was "like something out of a horror movie"...
Read full storyVAR Controversy As Ref Discovered To Be Blind In One Eye
There was more VAR controversy last night, when it was discovered that a referee being used at Stockley Park for one of the Premier League's top matches on Saturday, was blind in one eye. Bert Squint, who was a linesman for the 1975 FA Cup final b...
Read full story10 Things You'll Never Hear On A College Campus
1. “I've been doing some thinking lately, and I've come to the conclusion that this just isn't the career path I should be on. I've decided to go back home for a while, so that I can have more time to think about what I really want to do with my life...
Read full storyWile E Mexicans Sawing Though New Trump Wall: Build A Moat, Foo.
BILLINGSGATE POST: I knew this would happen. Only a fool would build a wall. Given enough time, a greater fool will find a way to go over it, under it or through it. Evidently, the Mexicans have decided to go through it. Using a conventional r...
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