Local Resident Constantly Finding It Difficult To Masturbate In "Newly Purchased" Haunted House
Grand Rapids, Michigan. Sources confirmed Wednesday that Nathan Harbor, 57, is having profound difficulty masturbating in his newly-purchased home due to the fact that it's severely haunted. The CEO of International Wood Products, Inc. stated t...
Read full storyAbrams Outlines Plans for a Future Sci-Fi Saga
In a recent interview about the final film installment, JJ Abrams discussed the future direction of the film franchise. "I'm pleased, in more ways than one, to be putting the "Far Far Away" saga to bed, even though I'm pretty sure that it was don...
Read full story80 Year-0ld Spinster Sets Record: Listens To “Dungaree Doll” By Eddie Fisher For 128 Hours
BILLINGSGATE POST: A new Guinness record was set by a lonely spinster from Beaver Crossing, Nebraska. Attempting to bring back the magic of her youth, Roxanne Kocolochek spun her favorite song that was recorded on a 45 RPM vinyl by Eddie Fisher in 1...
Read full storyCrown of Thorns Lost After Notre Dame Fire
It was a week of tragedy for France as the Notre Dame Cathedral burned before the eyes of the world. Luckily, the cathedral was not entirely destroyed. And most of the cathedral’s collection of artifacts have been preserved. Unfortu...
Read full storyFormer Punk Rocker Achieves True Success by Going to Work for Healthcare Company
"So many people move here hoping to make it as a professional singer or songwriter and end up becoming disheartened when they never hit the big-time," said career counselor Pam Hardy of Nashville, Tennessee. "But I think we need to change our definit...
Read full storyForensic Team Say They Know The Cause Of Notre Dame Fire
A police forensic investigation team looking into the cause of the fire that swept through Notre Dame cathedral in Paris on Monday, says it has already established how the blaze started. Pierre l'Escargot is a man who makes models from matches. He...
Read full storyNotre Dame Cathedral Not As Badly Damaged As Was First Thought
There was good news coming out of the French capital, Paris, this morning when it was announced that, after a close inspection of the Notre Dame cathedral, it was the general opinion that the structure was nowhere near as badly damaged as was first t...
Read full storyPeter Hook Did Not Sing On 'Doubts Even Here'
A man in Hull has said he doesn't believe the claim that bassist Peter Hook sang the vocals on the track, Doubts even here' on the 1981 New Order debut album, 'Movement'. In other words, he has doubts about 'Doubts even here'. New Order rose fr...
Read full storyWoman Visited 'Hall Of Mirrors' And 'Stayed Like That'
A woman who visited a popular fairground attraction with her boyfriend says she now regrets having done so, after her physical appearance was distorted beyond recognition, and he dumped her, citing "ugliness". Carol Temperton, 31, went into the Ha...
Read full storyPete Buttigieg powers past Pete Davidson to become most popular Pete
Riding a wave of public interest in his campaign for the 2020 Democratic Presidential nomination, South Bend Mayor, Pete Buttigieg, recently surpassed Pete Davidson as most popular Pete. Davidson previously held the top Pete position for 88 straight...
Read full story