80 Year-0ld Spinster Sets Record: Listens To “Dungaree Doll” By Eddie Fisher For 128 Hours

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Saturday, 20 April 2019

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Dungaree Doll

BILLINGSGATE POST: A new Guinness record was set by a lonely spinster from Beaver Crossing, Nebraska. Attempting to bring back the magic of her youth, Roxanne Kocolochek spun her favorite song that was recorded on a 45 RPM vinyl by Eddie Fisher in 1956. For 128 hours straight, she sat in her Naugahyde BarcaLounger without food or drink, taking not even a bathroom break, while her old Motorola turntable revolved endlessly as she listened to the haunting melody that topped the Lucky Strike Hit Parade for 13 weeks back in 1956.

Dungaree doll, dungaree doll, paint your initials on my jeans
So everyone in town will know we go around together, together, together
Dungaree doll, dungaree doll, paste my picture on your sleeve
So everyone can see that you belong to me, forever, forever, forever

A farm girl, Roxanne fell in love with a guy who couldn’t care less about her winning the FFA (Future Farmers of America) hog-calling contest when they were both juniors at Beaver Crossing High. Slim Everdingle was his name. He was a town boy, the son of the president of Beaver Crossing Bank. Slim went on to University and never looked back. She kept waiting though. The years rolled by. No one could take his place in her heart; an unrequited love. She pined on. But no one could take her song away.

A sad story, but one that needed to be told.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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