Crown of Thorns Lost After Notre Dame Fire

Written by Brett Taylor

Saturday, 20 April 2019

image for Crown of Thorns Lost After Notre Dame Fire
The "prince albert" of thorns was thankfully saved.

It was a week of tragedy for France as the Notre Dame Cathedral burned before the eyes of the world. Luckily, the cathedral was not entirely destroyed. And most of the cathedral’s collection of artifacts have been preserved.

Unfortunately, it seems that the historic crown believed to have been worn by Jesus Christ, has been lost. Paris mayor Anne Hidalgo tweeted the sad news on Thursday. The tweet read, “The crown of thorns has been misplaced. I hope you Christians don’t get too worked up about this.”

The crown was saved from the initial fire, and was to have been transported to the Louvre for safekeeping. In the meantime, it was left on the floor, and at least one spectator claimed to have witnessed bluebirds making off with the item.

"I hope not,’ prefect of police Didier Lallement responded. “We can only hope thieves made off it with and will later return in exchange for ransom money.” Just in case, police have been scouring the local shrubs and bushes in case the item was used to refurbish a bird’s nest. According to one police officer, “It should be easy to spot. It has a sort of glow to it, distinguishing it from the usual sticks. You might almost call it a halo.”

Some blamed the loss of janitor Phillipe Lanois, who was supposed to be watching over the item. “I have been very busy since the cathedral burned,” the janitor explained, scratching his head. “You would not believe the rubble I have been forced to clean up. Also, I have spent much of my time yelling at spectators who want to take pictures. And the children! You would not believe them.” Because of all the chaos from the highly publicized fire, Lanois’ work schedule had to be increased from the usual weekly schedule to an arduous twenty-six-hour work week. M. Lanois has been very tired as a result.

“To give my honest opinion, I am more impressed by the tunic of St. Louis. It is a colorful thing to see. But Jesus, he had no sense of style. I mean, thorns? That is impressive? Frankly, it’s more twigs than thorns. Anyone can pull a few twigs and thorns from a rose bush. A bird can do that. When I first saw the crown of thorns, I was shocked at how drab it was. I would expect a little more flash from the self-proclaimed King of the Jews.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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