Can the Internet Cause Hip Problems?
Winston-Salem, NC [PP] -- Doctors at Wake Forest Medical Center are perplexed at a sudden increase of problems in patients buttocks. They blame the Internet for the cause, based on the reports of some patients. "I was just laughing away while mess...
Read full storyShould Mermaids Make More Money Than Mermen?
"Absolutely not," said one merman. "I mean, mermaids are a dime a dozen, not rare or unique at all, so they just deserve a standard rate, right?" He continued, "Mermen, on the other hand, are unique and rare, and deserve to be paid premium rates."...
Read full storyGideon Strikes Back!
George Osborne has called Teresa may "a dead woman walking" after her election cock up. Unsurprisingly coming from the mouth of a man who we believe has been dead for some time and merely jumps his consciousness into recently deceased bodies. Look in...
Read full storyBasingstoke Man Discovers His Spirit Animal
Arthur Fishcake from Basingstoke was disappointed to learn that his Spirit Animal is the blob-fish. The dejected Paper-clip salesman said: 'All my life I imagined that my spirit animal would be a Lion, or a Giraffe, or at least a Panda, something...
Read full storyThe Huntsman Commeth
The election has happened and the predicted destruction of Labour at the polls didn't happen. Which along with our all clear STI test last week was the best news we've had all year. Jeremy Corbyn looks more like a leader than ever and May will now tr...
Read full storyRupert Murdoch promises to get Theresa May elected next time
After a relentless campaign of negative attacks on Jeremy Corbyn, Rupert Murdoch was said to be furious that the Labour leader did so well in the election. One observer said that on seeing the first exit poll on election night, Murdoch stormed out of...
Read full storyPurple Ooze May Be Edible
[PP] -- The purple substance that Andrea Sharpe found in and around her home may actually be edible. Several persons allegedly ingested the substance with no ill effects. One of those is a 9-year-old boy whose name is withheld due to his age.
Read full storyPolice, Rescue Respond to Unusual Kidnapping
Denver, CO [PP] -- Police and paramedics responded to what had to be their most unusual kidnapping case. A man who had not opened his refrigerator door in more than two years had the shock of his life. When he finally got around to opening the refrig...
Read full storyRadical process will restore the coal industry to its glory days
Osucit, Japan - Ken Assosuka of the Osucit Power and Light Company held a press conference today to reveal a new process for burning coal that reduces CO2 emissions to zero. The new process captures the CO2 and uses it to carbonate saki, orange juic...
Read full storyJoe Hart is a belly-flop hero in Scotland!
The Oldest international match on the planet was given extra entertainment value as Joe Hart, England goalkeeper, revealed to the world his next goal (very punny); he is training to participate in the next Olympics and hopes to win a gold in the "Bel...
Read full storyBrexit negotiations to be held in Disneyland
With politics and fairy tales converging ever faster, it was announced today that Brexit negotiations with the EU are to be held in Disneyland. Meetings will be chaired by the Mad Hatter, with the Seven Dwarfs taking minutes in rotation. Dopey will b...
Read full storyUS Government to Fund Online Trolls?
Many folks these days are familiar with the term "troll" in reference to persons who post inflammatory messages online. However, it now seems that some are being paid to do just that. In a Republican-led move for Social Security reform, many Ameri...
Read full storyMysterious Purple Ooze Covers Home
[PP] - For Andrea Sharpe, Wednesday was going to be like any other day. However, once she started getting out of bed, she was not quite sure what to think. She found that her house was lined inside and out with a purple substance. "I got up out of...
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