The Oldest international match on the planet was given extra entertainment value as Joe Hart, England goalkeeper, revealed to the world his next goal (very punny); he is training to participate in the next Olympics and hopes to win a gold in the "Belly-Flopping" discipline!
He has been practising fanatically since getting booted (very punny) out of Italy because no footy team on the planet in their right mind would ever consider hiring one of the worst goalkeepers ever to wear an England shirt (even an ageing, one-eyed, Gordon Banks, would do better). So Big Joe has decided to fine-tune his belly-flopping skills, and for the first time exhibited this fantastic skill against arch-rivals, Scotland, in an end of season kick about called a World Cup qualifier, which neither teams have a hope in hell in winning, the World Cup that is!
Joe, in the final minutes of this all British contest (lousy as usual) performed 2 fantastic flops giving the Scottish, who could not win a dead haggis let alone a footy match, the lead with only minutes to go. Then surprise, surprise, the Scots, mesmerised by Joe's superb flopping, blew it as they always do!
Theresa May has decided to allow Scotland to leave the UK because she cannot stand the shame of a bunch of whisky swigging, kilt wearing, Ginger Nuts bringing the UK into disrepute; that's her job (if it lasts!).
As for Joe Hart, a Japanese Sumo wrestling team has signed him because the immense talent that Joe has in belly-flopping and grunting would certainly be welcome in Japanese, Sumo circles!