No ER Care For Children Of Undocumented
The Republican National Committee today issued the party's "Statement Of Principles" on immigration. Among its points are: 1) We recognize that our brown brothers and sisters are human beings especially genetically endowed to do stoop labor and pluck chickens in huge farm factories. 2) While we support the work of Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Maricopa County, Az, and endorse his concept of a "Te...
Read full storyChris Christie Pulls Toilet Paper From Investigators Restrooms
New Jersey legislative investigators had a rather unpleasant surprise this morning, no toilet paper in their restrooms. In fact there was not a roll to be found within 10 blocks of the capital said security guard Buford Hillis "I don't know what happ...
Read full story2.8 Earthquake in Illinois Was Kim Kardashian Twerking
The reported earthquake in Illinois Sunday has been traced back to the rear end of Kim Kardashian who was practicing her twerking while on a visit with a friend in Metropolis. "Once she got that thing shaking, it was like it had a life of it's own...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Having Trouble Over Intimacy With Doctor
"I don't know if something happened to me in early childhood or what but I cannot stand getting a physical every year...but I guess I must", he told a friend while back at home. The friend stated that he knew the feeling as he was the same way wit...
Read full storyWoman Complains That Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson Shot Down Her Drone
MONROE, Louisiana - Police in Monroe are investigating claims from a Mrs. Olivia Cheesbrew, 52, who says that she was out on her property flying her brand new drone when all of a sudden she heard a loud KA-BOOM! She immediately saw her drone shatt...
Read full storyChina Reveals An Amazing Fact Regarding The Great Wall of China
HONG KONG - The government of China recently spent millions of dollars making repairs to the Great Wall of China. Ming Yang Wong, a spokesman for China's national news agency, Rick Shaw, revealed a very interesting fact. He stated that back dur...
Read full storyWillie Nelson Harshly Reprimanded By The Grammy Award Show Executives
HOLLYWOOD - Reports are that executives for the 56th Annual Grammy Awards Show were highly upset with Austin native Willie Nelson. According to an inside source the 80-year-old country crooner was severely reprimanded after he and some of his fell...
Read full storyRunaway surveillance blimp packed with cannibal rats turns rogue eye on assorted targets
Witnesses are reporting chills running up and down the spines of NSA and pentagon officials as to what might be coming next. Today's development parallels recent news that a Russian cruise ship has been adrift in the Atlantic for the past year an...
Read full storyChildren Born from Sperm Donors Seeking out Genetic Family
"I wish I had left everything alone", states one daughter of a sperm donor. "Dad was Bad! No, but he sure wasn't much to look at." Margaret is just one of hundreds of Sperm-Donor babies that now want to find out who donated the sperm. "It wasn'...
Read full storySpooky stuff as rash of banker suicides hits London
London, UK - An early start to the annual banker jumping season is underway this morning with reports that a senior JP Morgan executive plunged to his death from the top of a notorious 500ft 'hexed' skyscraper in London's Canary Wharf financial dist...
Read full storyChina's Moon Land Rover Yutu Has Crashed
HONG KONG - China's Rick Shaw National News Agency is reporting that the Moon land rover Yutu, (Jade Rabbit) has met with an unfortunate accident. Rick Shaw stated that on Monday at approximately 2:13 a.m. (Las Vegas time) Yutu reported that it ha...
Read full storyHeidi Klum Dumps Her Bodyguard/Boyfriend
REDONDO BEACH, California - Heidi Klum was shopping at the Sir Surfboard Shop in Redondo Beach when she was approached by a reporter with Glamboyant Magazine. The reporter Savannah Kettle asked Ms. Klum if the rumor about her breaking up with her...
Read full storySyracuse, New York Reports A Rash of Snowmen Thefts
SYRACUSE, New York - Local police are reporting that they have responded to dozens of calls about snowmen being stolen from the front yards of homes in Syracuse. Officer Sterling Foxfudge, 37, with the SPD stated that in every instance the perps h...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Has Invited Dennis Rodman, Lindsay Lohan, Chicharito, and Chelsea Handler To His Super Bowl Party
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Word out of North Korea is that Kim Jong Un will be having a fantastic Super Bowl Party and he has invited such celebrities as Dennis Rodman, Lindsay Lohan, Chicharito, and Chelsea Handler. The North Korean leader said tha...
Read full storyThe Reason Taylor Swift Is Very Depressed
HOLLYWOOD - Taylor Swift talked to her hair stylist, FuFi Fondue, and she told him that she has never been as depressed as she is now. She explained to the man who is known as The Hair Stylist To The Stars that she was shocked that she did not win...
Read full storyThe All-Girl Denver Rock Band, Martie Martin & The Marijuana Joints Arrested at The Colorado-Utah Border With 400 Pounds of Pot
FRUITA, Colorado - Colorado State Police report that they have arrested the all-girl rock band Martie Martin & The Marijuana Joints in the town of Fruita, close to the Colorado-Utah border. CSP officers stated that they stopped the band's van...
Read full storyBruce Jenner To Let The Inner Woman Come On Out
BEVERLY HILLS - The word coming out of LaLaLand is that Bruce Jenner, who was the 1976 Olympic Decathlon champion, will be transitioning into womanhood. The 64-year-old husband of Kris Kardashian-Jenner was recently spotted coming out of The Tinse...
Read full storyKim Jong Un Demands An Apology From Brazil's President
PYONGYANG, North Korea - Kim Jong Un is very upset with the president of Brazil and he has demanded an apology. The North Korean leader did not appreciate Brazilian President Sancho Ventana saying on a Rio De Janeiro talk show that Kim Jong Un buy...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Was Banned From Attending The Grammy Award Show
HOLLYWOOD - Several entertainment news programs are reporting that the much troubled singer Justin Bieber was actually banned from attending the 56th Annual Grammy Award Show at L.A.'s Staples Center. Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight said...
Read full storyPresident Obama Calls Up Seattle Seahawks Trash-Talker Richard Sherman
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has informed the news media that the president has made a phone call to Richard Sherman, cornerback with the Super Bowl bound Seattle Seahawks. President Obama told Sherman that he had bett...
Read full storyAriana Grande Explains Her Mountain of Hair Extensions
HOLLYWOOD - Ariana Grande was really upset that so many of her fans were angry with her because she wore what amounted to a mountain of hair extensions to the Grammy Award Show. The petite singer said that she recently used a shampoo that caused s...
Read full storySmiley Virus to Perform at Stupor Bowl "Ralf-Time" Show
It has been confirmed that Smiley Virus, along with her band, The Hammerlickers, will be performing their smash hit, "Ball Wrecker" at the Stupor Bowl half-time show. Stupor Bowl spokeschick Melody Booker announced the show line-up this morning.
Read full storyMan fights for 3rd Amendment rights!
Jimbo "Spanks" Williams is angry. Spanks lives in a trailer directly across the road from Fort Campbell, KY. During a recent winter storm, several soldiers returning to base on a bus, broke down next to his trailer. The commanding officer, Major...
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